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Forums - General Discussion - The Romantic Advice Thread

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Welcome to the VGChartz romantic advice thread, where we trade war stories about our time in the trenches of that blissful battlefield called Love. For transparency purposes, this thread was originally all about me (first OP is below), but now it's a place for us all to ask those little questions about how to handle the opposite sex. Or the same sex. Or intersex. Whatever floats your boat.

 

Post away!

 

Veterans may remember about 4 years ago when i asked for "ADVICE on WOMEN!" (DarthDavid-esque thread titles where in vogue at the time), the thread however is an Old Shame which means of course i'm daring people to dig it up. Well, now i'm reaching out ot the community's compassion and wisdom again.

So i'm crushing on a girl for the first time in exactly 4 years, which reminds me that it has indeed been that long since i've felt this way.

I'm trying to redress the mistakes i've made in the past (the past being the one girl, four years ago), which ended because i let my anxiety get the better of me and overplayed my hand too quickly, turning her off (either that or she just wasn't interested, though i still wonder), and the emotional backlash in my case led to me acting strangely (think Bartolomeo in One Piece. I didn't do anything skeevy, but i did start acting weird around her until our internship together ended and we went our separate ways).

This time i have a few benefits. We're both in grad school and i'm only a semester ahead of her, so there's much more time to play with, apparently we live quite close to each other (but not so close that i didn't encounter her until some students got together a party in another part of town, though just Monday we had a chance encounter at the neighborhood grocery).

Trouble is that it could be quite irrational, since we've only spoken for maybe 15-20 minutes at the party, and she could be totally wrong for me, and I'm trying to seek a setting in which i can do more fact-finding without my intentions being obvious. Plus she could, as with so many girls i know, already be in a relationship (Facebook says nothing, but that simply says she is not definitely in a relationship, rather than that she definitely is not in one), although i'm quite willing to be shot down over that, i'm more worried about wasting my time and hers if we're obviously wrong for each other.

So i'm trying to resolve the mistakes of my past, moving forward with more confidence but simultaneously with greater emotional caution, which is entirely contradictory, and idly wondering how I can engineer a sort of "pre-date" before i figure out whether she's worth asking out beyond my initial infatuation. Hate to ask rando-internet advice on the matter, but do folks have ideas?

(really, it's just about the "fact-finding" part. I know i've got to have the damn fortitude to ask her out myself, and i feel like i could, but like i said, no sense in jumping the gun if she turns out to be a jerk or a crazy party girl or something else that wouldn't gel with me. She is, at least, going to my school and in my degree program, which is something, but not enough).

Or should i just say fuck it and ask her out anyway? Or wait until next month when she's had just a bit more time to get to know me, even through our irregular contact

Dumb part of this is she is in one of my classes and i really didn't notice her at all until the party, then found out *today* that she's in my development policy class. Quite mortified.



Monster Hunter: pissing me off since 2010.

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how many times do i have to say: you are asking her to go for a drink and not to marry her... Why do people go all giddy giddy thinking about waaay too many consquences when you just should enjoy some time with the other person...



 

Face the future.. Gamecenter ID: nikkom_nl (oh no he didn't!!) 

*gonna try to find that old thread.. Surely i was there



 

Face the future.. Gamecenter ID: nikkom_nl (oh no he didn't!!) 

Question... my god... that thread.. http://gamrconnect.vgchartz.com/thread.php?id=119479

Are you still a cheapass? xD



 

Face the future.. Gamecenter ID: nikkom_nl (oh no he didn't!!) 

Mr Khan said:

 idly wondering how I can engineer a sort of "pre-date" before i figure out whether she's worth asking out beyond my initial infatuation.

BUY HER A COFFEE.. How many starbucks do you americans have.. buy her a coffee, try to talk about school for 15 minutes, if it turns out to be a conversation about everything in life and suddenly it 3 hours later you're good to go.. but most importantly: PAY FOR HER COFFEE



 

Face the future.. Gamecenter ID: nikkom_nl (oh no he didn't!!) 

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Ask her out enjoy a few dates get lsome see over time if your compatible.

It seems your a type that ponders life 30 years later after 5 minutes talking to a girl, quit that shit and just go for it. Take the good and bad and don't let your mind fuck it up for you by over thinking shit.

Just try it out now think it over later.

Sometimes its best to let your dick lead you to new things.



Mr Khan said:

Dumb part of this is she is in one of my classes and i really didn't notice her at all until the party, then found out *today* that she's in my development policy class. Quite mortified.

Damn you man for writing that much so no one actually reads everything...

Get a coffee with her after class..................    not cheap machine coffee..........  nice coffee place where you can sit down with her ....................  pay for her coffee.........

*everyone on vgchartz agrees with this plan... everyone....... eeee... vvvv....eee..rrrrrr...yyyy....oooo...nnnnn....eeee



 

Face the future.. Gamecenter ID: nikkom_nl (oh no he didn't!!) 

Pre-date, well if she's in the same class with you just try and accidentally bump into her after her last class for the day then suggest that you guys grab some coffee at the nearest coffee dispensing place from wherever you are. Nothing "datey" about that and the walk will give you time to know if she's worth taking out and if she agrees to even have that walk with you then you know she's at least curious.

don't wait though, cause a far more confident person may be having this exact same conversation with his brain and will go ahead of you :)



Intrinsic said:
Pre-date, well if she's in the same class with you just try and accidentally bump into her after her last class for the day then suggest that you guys grab some coffee at the nearest coffee dispensing place from wherever you are. Nothing "datey" about that and the walk will give you time to know if she's worth taking out and if she agrees to even have that walk with you then you know she's at least curious.

don't wait though, cause a far more confident person may be having this exact same conversation with his brain and will go ahead of you :)

noooo... that could be like a cheap vending machine with crappy coffee like this:


it needs to be a better place with a cappucino like this:



in a place where he can sit down with her and actually try to read her body signs.. twirling her hair, the way she sits etc..
with cheap coffee in a plastic cup standing in the hallway thats too difficult.. especially for mr khan..



 

Face the future.. Gamecenter ID: nikkom_nl (oh no he didn't!!) 

NiKKoM said:
Mr Khan said:

Dumb part of this is she is in one of my classes and i really didn't notice her at all until the party, then found out *today* that she's in my development policy class. Quite mortified.

Damn you man for writing that much so no one actually reads everything...

Get a coffee with her after class..................    not cheap machine coffee..........  nice coffee place where you can sit down with her ....................  pay for her coffee.........

*everyone on vgchartz agrees with this plan... everyone....... eeee... vvvv....eee..rrrrrr...yyyy....oooo...nnnnn....eeee

Not opposed to it, just... i don't drink coffee.

Though i'm sure an alternative can be found, it's a well-populated college district.



Monster Hunter: pissing me off since 2010.