Seriously, this is getting ridiculous.

-I get ready for work.  I shave, brush my teeth, take a shower, iron my clothes, splash on some cologne, and feel like a movie star.  Out of nowhere, I have to take a poop.  I feel dirty all day.

-I'm playing a video game and I get to the awesome, unskippable cutscene.  I have to take a poop. I miss the cutscene.

-Several months ago, I was out with a hot girl.  She has the idea that she wants to do it in the car.  I have to poop.  She changes her mind.

-To a lesser extent, I have the house to myself.  I plan to spend some time "getting to know myself".  Out of nowhere, I have to poop.

-I go out to dinner and then, later to a mall or something.  There's no bathroom around or the bathroom that I do find has a bunch of super models (as close as I'm going to find, anyway) standing outside of it.  I have to poop.  I don't want women to know I do that!

-Sometimes, I poop.  Then I go on a long roadtrip.  I have to poop again!!  WTF?  If there was poop in there, it should have come out with the rest of the poop, right?

Why does that asshole hate me?  Does he not realize the embarrassment and self consciousness he causes me?  Does he not realize that we're a team?  If I poop on myself, he suffers the consequences too!  But no.  He doesn't care.  He continues to pick the most inopportune times to make his move.  I hate that asshole.

*this thread was intended for "the secret forums* but I can't find them anymore.

Bonus?

But really I know exactly how you feel about the poo after having a shower.

Seriously man, if you have to poop this much and you can't control it a bit, then you should see a doctor or something.

I only have to poo when I'm around the house, never when I'm out. And around the same time too!

My asshole is trained!

Have you been eating prunes every single second of the day, perhaps?

wow...i have to crap now

This isn't all from the same day, mind you. This is spread out over the course of several months! Typically, I only do that once a day. It's just that that asshole seems to pick the single worst time of day to do it. I assume it has a sick sense of humor.

Change your diet, it affects poopin' schedules dramatically.

train your bumhole.

its the only way.

look up "train your bumhole" on google.