jv103 said:
I totally respect your choice. I was going to ask you though do you think people feel empty because of their sexual nature because it is inherently ungratifying? Or do you think it has to do with a culture centered on monogamy that requires independence (even from that spouse -dependence is bad in this culture)? America experienced the sexual revolutions in the '60s. Huge mistake. Marriage is just a sham and love is lacking. My belief is in a marriage, the husband is the one in charge and responsible. The woman is his helpmeet - his VP. Sex is used to bond couples in their first years of marriage. Without the bonding, the marriage will likely fail. America's not big on patience. They want things now. Waiting is not something they are used to. And folks want to get busy and not invest anything worthwhile into relationships. For me and a few others, we understand that love takes time, getting to know your future spouse and having an understanding about things before you get married. And sex can get old after 6-7 months with the same partner. Spouse dependence is awesome. You have to work as a team to fight off temptation, to be there to help your spouse, through sickness, health, richer or poorer. A commitment. And sex seals the deal. My question is really geared toward the structure of society in general meaning that the symptom of having low self worth comes not from serial monogamy but rather the impersonal attitude we often find in our communities? Low self esteem can be found among folks desiring love. Why do people have the inert need to be part of a bigger organization? They are like everyone else and want to be loved. If you meet a person who says otherwise, they're lying. Some of us can endure longer periods without love, but we all need to be loved and appreciated. Women often think a man will love them and want them if they have sex with them. That's often not the cause. However, if that man said 'I love you so much that I am willing to forego my selfish desires to learn more about you, to study you and deepen my love for you ... then, on our honeymoon get it crunk, sweet.' That man is showing self control. And for a woman, you'll win her heart in the end. I was just thinking that this may be a symptom of that rather than the sex because I too have known people who would have casual sex with close friends and they were okay (at least they never complained to me). It almost seems like the 'unhappiness' you are speaking of may come from the inability to 'posess' or have sole rights to a person. Sex is a powerful act. It's personal - and believe it or not, you both are becoming one. The more folks you have sex with, the more you are becoming one with folks. During certain periods of sex, you and your partner can sync - your rhythms will sync - you may even notice your breathing is in sync. You are one - and the more you do it, the more you will lose yourself. I can go way deeper about it, but I won't. But the thing about sex is - unlike most other acts, your entire being is involved.
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Hola. I'm 35, btw, so I can give you some perspective.
From what my peeps have told me, and what I know, sex was designed for a man and wife into the bounds of marriage. If you choose to do it outside of marriage, while initially fulfilling, eventually, it's just a shallow act. Sure, you'll enjoy it and love the feeling you get from it, but in the end, if there's no love, no commitment, what's left?
I did have sex before I got married and said 'Never again, until I have Mrs. Skillz wit me.'
Sure, I felt left out a lot. I was like 'Is this really worth it? What if my wife is somewhere getting nailed?' But then, I looked inside of myself and realized I wanted to have sex for self-gratification. I wasn't trying to satisfy a woman - just get mine and get moving. My heart wasn't in it - so I just waited.
When my wife and I got together, the anticipation was phenomenal. We kissed, but even then, my wife was like 'Let's wait.' I was cool.
I did have some reservations, as we never talked about sex until we got married. For me, love had me wait until we were on our honeymoon. I didn't want to be on my honeymoon, our special night, look in the mirror and say 'Wow, you're a pro at this' or think she was just another jumpoff. No, our night was special. And for the record, our first week of marriage proved to me that my baby was holding all her loving for Mad Skillz. Our first two nights in Ft. Walton, it was evening before we left the hotel to get something to eat.
In the first year of marriage, sex is essential for bonding couples. However, if you have done it before - a lot of times, that specialness is pretty much gone. And without that bonding, look out.
A wise man told me 'It's best for a husband and wife to learn each other. If they are both inexperienced, so what. However, if the man is experienced, and she can't perform like his old flames, he will soon leave her to find someone who doesn't require instruction.'
Sex isn't meant to be shared - it's an intimate, one on one interaction. And sex before you get married really cheapens it.
Find me a divorced couple who waited until they got married to have sex and I'll call it a rarity.
Sex is more powerful than most folks think. It involves your entire being and could have far-reaching consequences.
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