That darn Wii. It owned my console in the NPD last week. Jeesus, that casual puta! I swear n00bs, the Wii will pay for its insolence and pwnage, I swear! I shall devise a plot.
Dear public casuals: The Wii really isn't fun, you are just dumb. Here is my article, start with interview:
Me: Mike Capps, isnt' the Wii some dumb shit?
Mike Capps: Er, we don't develop for the Wii.
Me: Mike Capps, come on bro, really, don't you hate the Wii, you bare play it right?
Mike Capps: I use to, but now I rarely play it.
Mike Capps says the Wii sucks, cause he doesn't play it, n00bs! Buy a PS3.
Dear reader, as you can see, Mike Capps says "Do not buy a Wii." That said, you should listen. Here, look at VGChartz:
http://www.vgchartz.com/games/game.php?id=16724
Yep, the game Deadly Creatures has sold: 0 copies.
The game Call of Duty 4 sold 9 million copies, on real consoles.
...but on the DS and Wii it only sold .6 copies......combined!
According to these figures, confirmed by Patcher, the Wii is dead. It has sold no copies of games. In fact, Brawl sold a few copies, then the next week, it dropped over 2000%* Brawl sales suck, so bad. Nobody buys games for the Wii. I proved that.
Next, the Wii is dying.
Even last week in Europe and Canada when I went in the store, they had Wii's everywhere, selling them for half price. My mom told me there were Wii's in walmart this week in America, so the fad is dead, it's just taking a while to sell off those extra consoles. The PS3 will still dominate 2009. Anybody stupid enough not to see that must own a Wii.
Another thing, the Wii only has games that are sequels. The games on the PS3 are all fresh and new, like Disgaea Deuce, or Metal Gear Solid Quad. All brand new games with great new characters like "Old Snake" and "Old Laharl." Sure, Wii-Fit is a sequel. Ever heard of Wii-sports, n00bs? Pikmin, Metroid. Jesus, how many of these decrepit failures can we relive?
I was adumb once, too, but I learned that the PS3 has all the good exclusives, while the Wii has litterally not one game available on the system that sold a copy according to VGChartz when I checked it last week.
I smartened up. Now your the dumb one, public. The Wii has:
1. Waggle, lol. 360 and PS3 has real motion controls soon without baby graphics for girls.
2. Baby graphics for girls.
3. No games that sell or to buy.
4. Capps hates it.
5. 3rd party games, lol, lol, lol.
Did you see my graph?
Yes, n00bs, you know nothing. Look at the VAST ocean of difference between the Wii and other consoles. It's games are totally sucking. Draw your attention away from the left, and look at the right side. Ah yes, my pants are harder now than ever before.
Cause you see, that little bitty thing of a space means that THE WII SUCKS AND HAS NO GAMES.
Since I've already proven the Wii games don't sell, that no games exist on the system, and that Capps hates the Wii(and probably all other 3rd party developers) and I' think I've proven that this will always be the case, because things like this don't change, ever.
Only dummies buy the Wii, and the dummies will realize next week that the Wii sucks, because they will become smart and realize that everything was wrong they thought, from the beginning.
This is the end for the Wii.
*Assuming second week is 100 percent, not first.
By:
Zenfoldorvgi
New York Times and Kotaku contributor.
I don't need your console war.
It feeds the rich while it buries the poor.
You're power hungry, spinnin' stories, and bein' graphics whores.
I don't need your console war.
NO NO, NO NO NO.
