Well, I've had anxiety all my life. I don't remember a time when I didn't feel anxious about every single thing. Here are some things that I have to deal with (almost) daily:
- I have zero self-confidence. I feel like the worst person in the world.
- I am the quietest person I've ever seen. It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's just that I can't.
- I hate confrontation. My reaction to aggressiveness is to get the hell out of there. And usually cry right after. Being a guy, I've been attacked (verbally, of course) several times for not wanting to fight and not being aggressive.
- Needless to say, my relationships don't tend to go really well. I feel like I'm a drag to the other person instead of a partner.
- Loud/outgoing people make me very nervous.
- I need to have a bottle of water at any time. My mouth gets dry very easily and if I don't have a source of water close to me I get really nervous.
- I can't stand doing nothing. I have to be doing something at any time or I go crazy.
- Being amidst a crowd for too long is extremely exhausting, mentally and physically.
- Breathing is a weird thing. Sometimes it's all fine, but sometimes I feel like I'm out of air and start to breathe as if had just run a marathon.
- I don't have a sleep routine. I find it very hard to fall asleep.
- I can't remember the last time I slept for 8 hours straight. Every night I wake up at least 2 or 3 times.
- Every time I enter a different place I have to check if there are any spiders on the walls or ceiling (yeah I also have arachnophobia).
- There are times when I get really, really sad for no reason at all.
- If I am weird or say something stupid to someone, I'll keep thinking and being ashamed of that for the rest of my days, even if it's a really small thing.
- And the worst thing: I know that's all bs. I can think rationally and get to the conclusion that I have no reason to feel that way. But I just can't help it. I just have to deal with those feelings, I guess.
Overall, it's really, really exhausting. It's tiring to have to deal with this stuff, it wears me out. It's like being tired after a long day of work but never being able to get some rest. And then going to another long day of work the next day, and then the next one, and every single day.
Sad thing is, a lot of people still think that anxiety is not a "real disorder".
I've been working in a lot of those issues lately, and I've been having a bit of success (yay!). For example, I went to a music festival a few months ago, and I feel like I can deal with crowds and loud sounds much better now. I'm also in a film school, and getting criticism for the films I make is helping me deal with confrontation. I now use clothes that I actually like instead of huge clothes that hide my body, and that boosted massively my self-confidence (not enough to post a picture of me here yet though, maybe someday).
So yeah, I know this might sound stupid for you if you don't have anxiety, but it helps me to share my feelings with other people, and who better than a bunch of people that I don't even know? And I know that a lot of people also have anxiety disorders, so it'd be cool if some of you talked about it too, it's always good to feel as though you're not the only one.Last edited by LuccaCardoso1 - on 17 September 2018