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Forums - General - Autism, this is how it's affected me. Has it affected you?

snyps on 31 December 2017
curl-6 said:

I'm autistic.

I can't offer advice on your love life, but I can share some insights about life on the spectrum. Obviously I don't know your son, but these are just general things I have learned from my own life and from my job working with autistic kids.

First of all, always remember that just because your son may be non-verbal, doesn't mean he's not switched on. I work with a guy who is non-verbal and just assumed to be stupid when he was younger, but once he was taught to communicate via keyboard in his teens, he went on to become a published author and give "talks" at international conferences. Be very careful of what you say in front of him, because all too people say damaging things in front of non-verbal autistics assuming they don't understand, when in fact they can hear and comprehend everything.

Secondly, while it may be hard for you to let go of the future you had envisioned for your son, keep in mind that he can still go on you live a happy and fulfilling life. You may simply need to find alternative pathways that work for him. He will have his own ways of communicating, his own passions, his own coping mechanisms. Find out what those are, and play to his strengths instead of trying to force him to conform to the your/society's expectations of normality.

Don't assume that because he is autistic he will never amount to anything. Don't treat it like a disease; it's more like a different operating system. Imagine, if you will, that he is a Windows PC is a world where most people operate on Mac OSX. He may have challenges with things that others find easy, but chances are he's also brilliant at some things others find difficult. As human beings we are all good at some things and rubbish at others, those of us on the spectrum simply tend to be more specialized.

Identify his interests and encourage him to pursue them.Try to see his strengths instead of just his struggles. It's hard for a kid to believe in themselves if they don't think their parent believes in them. Kids absorb the attitudes of those around them; he will need you to be a source of positivity and support for him.

Also, it's important that you connect with other parents of spectrum kids; not only will you be able to learn and gain support from them, but having other children on the spectrum as friends can really help a kid on the spectrum not feel so alone.

There's a saying among those of us on the spectrum; we don't "suffer" from autism, we suffer from society's attitude towards autism. Most of us are pretty happy with who we are, we just find it difficult interfacing with the non-autistic majority since our thought processes can be so different.

It's a tough gig raising an autistic child, but your son needs you to be his champion.

I read this a few days ago and shared it with my son's mother. She kept saying "Damn! Who is this guy? Can I repost it! Damn!". I share her sentiments. This is a very well thought out and meaningful post you shared here. My many thanks. I learned a great deal and also solidified some thoughts I already share. Thank you for putting such strong words so politely and inspiringly. I have decided to be my son's champion. I accept my role in his life as a fixed presence until he is 18. I will love him without the expectations I came in with. I accept what is, is. He is my karma and he and I both need each other's love.



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curl-6 on 31 December 2017

(please delete)



snyps on 31 December 2017
curl-6 said:
snyps said:

Some theories stand the test of time. Astrology being the most ancient of all.

There is no more evidence to support Astrology than there is the belief that the Earth is flat.

I accept that is your reality and you are valid in it. 

I hold that there is insufficient clinical studies to prove or discredit astrology. A study could be done. Get ten people born in each of the twelve lunar years and compare their traits to those of the chinese standards. Also, get ten people born in each of the lunar months and compare their traits to the babylonian (western) standards. 

People say that astrology is generic traits that apply to anybody but this is an over statement. We are all made up of the same heaps or traits but their dominance over other traits are significantly evident by looking at what was written by the ancients. The only faith required is the faintest amount to initiate a study. After a study is conducted, it becomes fact or fiction. 

The problem with astrology is there are so many authors. The placemat in a chinese restaurant is useless except for entertainment and collecting spilled soup. A decade ago I went looking for a good book on astrology. I was not happy with any that I found until I went to the Bohdi Tree in hollywood. I found Suzanne White's "New Astrology". In it was the first and only descriptions I'd seen for Western and Eastern combinations. For example it described a Scorpio Tiger as a single entity with it's own unique character traits. With there being a total of 144 combos I've since been collecting birthdates of the people I've met over that decade and from the beginning and continually to this day have been astonished by the accuracy. 

It defies logic but so does the mystery of "How did we get here", "Why are we here", "Where are we going", "Is there a god". What existed before the big bang, or why it happened is beyond physics. We must rely on meta-physics to explain the mystery for our five senses will never do it on their own. Besides, there is the sixth sense of feeling with your heart and with your stomach. Sometimes you get the feeling that there is something beyond sight, touch, smell, taste, and sound. The feeling of love or the lack of for example. It is a sense. I'm going way off on a tangent. And I have no idea how the ancients discovered astrology. But unlike the quantifiable existence of love (which I hold does exist) astrology is provable or it is disprovable. I'm fine with either.



snyps on 31 December 2017
curl-6 said:
snyps said:

Some theories stand the test of time. Astrology being the most ancient of all.

There is no more evidence to support Astrology than there is the belief that the Earth is flat.

EDIT: I realize this may have come across as harsh, so I'll not derail your thread further with this tangent. My apologies.

No worries man. I'm fine with it. I'd rather hide a discussion about astrology here than face the wave of people that slam it in it's own thread. It's all good.



AngryLittleAlchemist on 31 December 2017
curl-6 said: 

There's a saying among those of us on the spectrum; we don't "suffer" from autism, we suffer from society's attitude towards autism. Most of us are pretty happy with who we are, we just find it difficult interfacing with the non-autistic majority since our thought processes can be so different.

Forgive me for being ignorant and asking, but how true is that, though? You can absolutely suffer from autism beyond things that are societies fault. Pretty much any flaw a person has will have a societal reaction that society should change, but that doesn't mean they'd say they have no problem whatsoever. 



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curl-6 on 31 December 2017
AngryLittleAlchemist said:
curl-6 said: 

There's a saying among those of us on the spectrum; we don't "suffer" from autism, we suffer from society's attitude towards autism. Most of us are pretty happy with who we are, we just find it difficult interfacing with the non-autistic majority since our thought processes can be so different.

Forgive me for being ignorant and asking, but how true is that, though? You can absolutely suffer from autism beyond things that are societies fault. Pretty much any flaw a person has will have a societal reaction that society should change, but that doesn't mean they'd say they have no problem whatsoever. 

It depends on the person. There are challenges when it comes to being autistic, yes. Anxiety, difficulty reading social cues, and sensory sensitivities, for example. But we tend to find ways to self-manage or avoid these. Unfortunately, playing by the social norms of society often means putting ourselves in situations where we cannot avoid them, or where our coping strategies are deemed inappropriate. For example, when I am in public I cannot indulge my urge to stim (flap my hands, make noises, etc) which is one way I let off steam when stressed. I am also expected to do things I am not completely comfortable with, like shake hands.

It can be difficult, functioning in a society whose rules don't align with one's own mental operating system. It is a bit like living in a foreign culture.

For the person with autism, the main drawback tends to be anxiety. And that anxiety typically arises from the difficulties of interacting with a society not necessarily well fitted to the way our brains work.

snyps said:
curl-6 said:

I'm autistic.

I can't offer advice on your love life, but I can share some insights about life on the spectrum. Obviously I don't know your son, but these are just general things I have learned from my own life and from my job working with autistic kids.

First of all, always remember that just because your son may be non-verbal, doesn't mean he's not switched on. I work with a guy who is non-verbal and just assumed to be stupid when he was younger, but once he was taught to communicate via keyboard in his teens, he went on to become a published author and give "talks" at international conferences. Be very careful of what you say in front of him, because all too people say damaging things in front of non-verbal autistics assuming they don't understand, when in fact they can hear and comprehend everything.

Secondly, while it may be hard for you to let go of the future you had envisioned for your son, keep in mind that he can still go on you live a happy and fulfilling life. You may simply need to find alternative pathways that work for him. He will have his own ways of communicating, his own passions, his own coping mechanisms. Find out what those are, and play to his strengths instead of trying to force him to conform to the your/society's expectations of normality.

Don't assume that because he is autistic he will never amount to anything. Don't treat it like a disease; it's more like a different operating system. Imagine, if you will, that he is a Windows PC is a world where most people operate on Mac OSX. He may have challenges with things that others find easy, but chances are he's also brilliant at some things others find difficult. As human beings we are all good at some things and rubbish at others, those of us on the spectrum simply tend to be more specialized.

Identify his interests and encourage him to pursue them.Try to see his strengths instead of just his struggles. It's hard for a kid to believe in themselves if they don't think their parent believes in them. Kids absorb the attitudes of those around them; he will need you to be a source of positivity and support for him.

Also, it's important that you connect with other parents of spectrum kids; not only will you be able to learn and gain support from them, but having other children on the spectrum as friends can really help a kid on the spectrum not feel so alone.

There's a saying among those of us on the spectrum; we don't "suffer" from autism, we suffer from society's attitude towards autism. Most of us are pretty happy with who we are, we just find it difficult interfacing with the non-autistic majority since our thought processes can be so different.

It's a tough gig raising an autistic child, but your son needs you to be his champion.

I read this a few days ago and shared it with my son's mother. She kept saying "Damn! Who is this guy? Can I repost it! Damn!". I share her sentiments. This is a very well thought out and meaningful post you shared here. My many thanks. I learned a great deal and also solidified some thoughts I already share. Thank you for putting such strong words so politely and inspiringly. I have decided to be my son's champion. I accept my role in his life as a fixed presence until he is 18. I will love him without the expectations I came in with. I accept what is, is. He is my karma and he and I both need each other's love.

Thank you for the kind words. I wish you and your son the very best, if there is ever anything you'd like to ask, or that I can help with in any way, please don't hesitate to shoot me a message. You're not in this alone.

Last edited by curl-6 - on 31 December 2017