Strippers... Strippers everywhere is cosplay

I can agree with this, if they actually show what their systems are capable of instead of relying on a PC then that will in the end make them both honest and benefit the PC platform, especially now PC has a spot at E3 which would mean that they could show off the best looking version, everyone wins.

OT: Dwayne TRJ showing up at Nintendo, Sony and MS's E3's with a different type of entrance, Speech and costumed getup, would totally make my day.

1 - Yep - a ban on PC mock-up "game footage" is high on my list.
2 - Clearly labeling what a teaser / trailer is (and explaining to the overly-excitable folks in the audience what "in-engine" footage really means) being a requirement is up there, too.
3 - Live demonstrations, bugs and all, would be the norm.
4 - No corporate bluster. Aka, "over 150 billion screencaps have been shared," "you know our company has been around for awhile, let us waste 10 minutes talking about it," "let's talk about this new thing/service we're putting out that isn't really game related," etc.
5 - I'd make it 3-4 presentations total, with each publisher presenting their own content in turn. (Aka, Sony or MS won't be using 3rd party content to make their presentation look bigger & better).

6 - Oh, yeah, make sure all presenters are relatively charismatic and comfortable in front of a camera, Squirming through 5 minutes of awkwardsauce is painful.

I fear that'd give Nintendo an even bigger advantage than midgets.

you mean the loser? 

Put the audience to sleep, put vr goggles on them. Wake them up without them knowing (somehow ) and feed them a conference that has been edited with cgi and other effects, like blow the stage up or something.

No game that is more than 18 months away.

No trying too hard to be funny.

No non-gaming stuff.

More actual REVEALS. Recently they've been a bit of a letdown because half of the games seem to have been teased/revealed/leaked in the days/weeks before.

Live gameplay demos.

Start on time

I always thought to see what would happen when Kaz Hirai would take the stage..... the stage is dark, except for one light, illuminating Kaz as he walks. There is nothing else on the stage. He stands still, pauses, and finally says "We won, there is no need to show anything". He drops the mike he is holding gangsta style. He walks off the stage. Sony E3 is over.

The audience is at first quiet, but then suddenly erupts to thunderous applause never before heard at E3.

Kool-aid men would destroy the wall, invade all major conferences and announce all the big games.