If Assassin’s Creed Unity represents the future direction of AAA video games, I seriously question the future health and legitimacy of this industry.

These are 8 real things I experienced within Assassin’s Creed Unity’s first 2-3 hours:

• I tried to open a treasure chest, but was told I needed the Assassin’s Creed companion app to open it, with no additional information or context.

• I tried to open another treasure chest, and was told I needed to sign up for Assassin’s Creed Initiates to open it.

• I tried to open a third treasure chest, and was told I needed to upgrade Arno’s lockpicking skill.

• I upgraded Arno’s lockpicking skill, and was told my skill level still wasn’t high enough to open that chest. I gave up.

• When I paused the game, the second option in the pause menu is an eStore that lets you spend real money on time-saving boosts, bonus in-game currency, and so-on.

• I saw a woman floating through the air. (My favorite bullet point )

• I heard the same line of dialogue 5 times during an early-game chase mission.

• I experienced my character flip all around on the side of a building instead of climb through the window like I wanted.

• None of the above includes subjective elements I found troublesome, including confusing and uninteresting “modern day” moments, trial and error mission design, and soulless NPCs.