It’s that time again… A new generation of hardware and software is making it into living rooms across various countries. The problem? There’s two of these bad fellas, and everyone’s got an opinion about which is best. Opinions are fine though, right? Well, sure, when they’re not being shoved down your throat by an annoying fanboy who seems to have spent more time snuggling his Nathan Drake blowup doll than using the very-much-needed Hooked on Phonics his mom bought him last year.
Of course, console wars have been going on for around two decades, but what’s new is that everyone has the internet now. Your grandmother? She’s all about Googling some Thanksgiving recipes. Your dad has an HD porn collection he downloaded from a torrent site, and it’s saved in the same folder as your baby pictures your mom scanned in. Worse than all of that, you won’t shut the hell up on YouTube videos telling everyone how their opinion is wrong and how your console of choice is superior because you said so.
If you’re not a raging child and respect others, feel free to get back to having fun with your respective console(s) of choice and enjoy your time with our hobby – that’s what it’s there for. Thanks for being part of the solution and not the problem.
For the rest of you, I’ve put together some tips on how you can stop acting like a toddler and more like a mature adult, and I’m going to do it in a way that you’ll understand: I’m going to be an asshole, just like you.
No one likes an ultracrepdarian, and it’s all mostly subjective.
Until you possess the ability to see the future and have developed the power of omnipotency, you don’t really know much except what you read across various sources on the internet. Some reading on gaming websites hasn’t transformed you into a knowledge base of infinite wisdom. Actually, you’ve just developed some opinions about something based on stuff you’ve read in between sessions of masturbating to yourself in the mirror. These opinions are yours to have, but just remember that every time you type up some antagonistic comment on a gaming forum about how your console is superior, you’re utilizing subjectivity based on limited information.
There is no true manner in which someone can objectively gauge the quality of a console and its respective experience. We can say, “Hey, the Xbox One box is heavier and sturdier than the PS4.” Sure, that’s pretty much objective. What we can’t do is tell someone else that the experience of using the console is superior or inferior to anything else, because there is no way for any one person to speak for the entirety of the population. You can try all you like, but you’re beingobjectively ignorant. Gaming is almost entirely a subjective experience, with very few exceptions.
Stop assuming anyone gives a shit what you think.
We get it – you’re a narcissist and you probably don’t get hugged enough. But frankly, no one ultimately cares what you think when you’re pissing and moaning about things you don’t like. Sharing your opinion in a mature, well-mannered fashion is what we call “discussion”. To discuss the merits and potential pitfalls of a console is exactly what helps drive the gaming medium forward; we’re all entitled to express ourselves in regards to what we feel offers the most bang for our buck. Hell, there’s not even anything wrong with expressing disdain and disgust for poor business practices, missing features, or any other number of problems – but there’s reasonable ways of doing so. The hatefulness you express in your desperate search for attention and validation isn’t helping anyone… especially not you.
Trolling is a lost art, and you’re terrible at it.
You go to websites and post ironic and/or obvious attention-grabbing messages in an attempt to rile people up. As you read this, you’re laughing to yourself thinking “I don’t care what anyone on the internet thinks about me! If they know I’m trolling, I’ve done my job!”, followed by a deep desire to respond to this article with some snide comment to show off your skills and lack of care, you clever and edgy little highschooler. You really should consider a new hobby, because if trolling people online is your idea of fun, you’re clearly missing something somewhere. You’re being a lowlife and acting proud of it, and no matter what self-confirming method you use to defend yourself when someone calls you out, that isn’t something to be proud about.
Not everything is a killing blow.
The worst part about console wars is nitpicking. Hungry fanboys tend to find any minor issue a console has and act as if it’s the killing blow to the system they happen to dislike. So, let’s clear up a few of the recent ones and discuss why they aren’t a killing blow.
Note: These are just a few of hundreds of examples I see every day.
1080p vs 720p!
Hey, guess what? We all know 1080p is better. Also, the intelligent people among us also know that the difference between native and upscaled 1080p resolution is noticeable, but also not a complete and utter gamechanger. Does the PlayStation 4 seem to have a bit more power under the hood? Sure. Do a lot of its launch titles run at native 1080p? Definitely. Does that somehow totally devalue an otherwise innovative, unique new console Microsoft just spent the better half of a decade developing? Nope.
As with every group of consoles before these, graphics don’t make the system. We’re not talking about apples and oranges here – these are moderately differing resolutions, most of which will likely be evened out as developers learn more and more about optimizing on these new systems. If this is a “killing blow” to you, buy a PC and shut up.
The PS4 wobbles!
If you’ve said this in any way that seemed to imply that the Xbox One is somehow superior due to the fact that its competition wobbles very slightly when sitting horizontally, I fear for your ability to function in a world of people with average IQs.
The Xbox One costs more for Kinect and TV features! I just want to play games!
Don’t buy it then. No, really, it’s truly that simple. No one has ever, nor will ever, place a gun to your head and force you to spend your money on an Xbox One. In no way does a price point for additional features somehow diminish the console’s overall quality.
If you’re into the way Microsoft is aiming to condense the entire living room into a single box, you’ll probably adore how well the Xbox One manages to pull it off. If you’re not into that type of thing, the PS4 may be more your style. Either way, both offer different experiences for different users and have two different ideas for the future. Your console of choice is not superior to another simply because the other doesn’t appeal to you. Man, we’re learning all about subjectivity today!
The (enter console name) has better games!
Hey, here’s some more subjectivity for you. Your taste in games is not the same as everyone else’s, so stop being a pretentious curmudgeon. Saying something is true doesn’t make it so, and the more you try to change that the dumber you look. If you try to use review scores, aggregated or otherwise, to prove your point, you’re being even dumber. Once again… well, you know about subjectivity by now.
Uh oh! There’s a hardware failure!
If your idea of winning the console war is seeing the other system launch with some hardware failures, you’re going to lose regardless of which side you’re on. There has never been and will never be a major hardware launch without some percentage of unit failures. More importantly, the day that hardware failures somehow devalue the console’s actual in-working-condition quality will never come.
This or that company are assholes, so their console is garbage!
Do you think before you speak? Since when does a company’s business practices have any direct effect on their hardware’s quality? I think Microsoft is a bag of shit, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time with their new system just as much as my PS4. You have a right to choose not to support a company if you so please, but your choice to do so doesn’t affect the quality of their products. You’re just being a pompous ass.
Competition is healthy.
Without competition, there is no reason for improvement. Competition improves customer service and innovation, and keeps companies from becoming complacent. If a company is not forced to compete with other hardware, the chances of them resting on their laurels increases tenfold.
If you want to see one console fail because it doesn’t meet your specific needs, you’re not really looking out for gaming. Instead, you’re being an unlikable, self-serving asshole, and that’s no good for the community or industry.
You’re making enemies over a video game console.
You’re so adamant about your opinion and how important it is, you’re willing to take a steaming metaphorical shit on entire group of fellow gamers because a certain console meets their needs. You’re ruining other peoples’ entertainment experiences by devaluing things they enjoy within the same hobby as you. We’re all gamers, and we’re all here to enjoy a pastime that has entertained us for decades. If a console isn’t meeting your needs, that’s perfectly fine – that’s why there are multiple options for various different types of gamers. Every time you attack someone or their choices, you’re really just further destroying the community aspect of gaming. As the internet grows and your angsty teen mentality eventually fades away, you’ll likely regret your childish cyber antics. Until then, do us all a favor next time you want to type pseudo-intellectual bullshit about how your opinion is somehow synonymous with fact and shove your hands in a blender.
Wouldn’t it be nice to just… let it go?
Does it matter? Is your need for validation so intense that bullying others with text on a computer screen is really that gratifying for you? Do you sleep better? Does it help you maintain stronger erections? What’s the tangible benefit? Because frankly, it’s video games, and the energy you spend being an antagonistic prick about entertainment choices could be used for everything fromconstructive criticism to ignoring the “console war” altogether. What if you took that time and played a fun game, spent some time with friends or family, or did something productive with your day? Whether you’re posting one comment or spending your entire day fighting with strangers on the internet, how has it improved your time with our hobby? We’re all gamers. Stop being a dick, shake hands, and play what you enjoy.
Thanks for reading.
http://pixelvolt.com/2013/11/21/youre-the-problem-tips-to-help-you-stop-ruining-gaming/
