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Forums - General - Do you believe in monogamy?

 

Do you believe in monogamy?

Yes 35 53.85%
 
No 9 13.85%
 
Depends 2 3.08%
 
Yeah, be yourself, be free and love! 4 6.15%
 
No, you made a commitment... 0 0%
 
I'm in a relationship, I... 9 13.85%
 
I'm in a relationship. I... 2 3.08%
 
You're sick! 1 1.54%
 
You've raised a valid point 0 0%
 
Other 3 4.62%
 
Total:65
Jay520 on 10 January 2013
Somini said:
Jay520 said:
Somini said:


Isn't that always the case?


Not in some cultures.


Just out of curiousity lol, what have you heard?


Some cultures allow men to marry mutliple women. And some vice-versa.



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Majora on 10 January 2013
TheLastStarFighter said:
Majora, you already have your answer from within yourself. You were hurt by the betrayal and now do not feel the same level of passion. You are a monogamist, and there's no way around it. The solution is not to lower your expectations, but to find someone who can meet them. Your current boyfriend never will. For many people, the feeling of being special and exclusively intimate with someone is wonderful. It's not about jealously but about valuing and being valued. Be true to yourself and find someone who will meet your emotional needs.


Thank you so much for this post. It's so honest. And I think you're right. I just wish I could feel the way I did again before I found out. Funny thing is I don't blame him - I blame me. And even after all this time I sstill blame me. I don't love him anymore, but I wish I did. Is that sick? I feel so bad :(



NintendoPie on 10 January 2013
Majora said:
On one hand I'm so proud of the length of time I've been with my fella. But I realise I'm doing it to give credence to a relationship in which, if I'm honest, I'm desperately miserable. But I feel I don't have a right to be miserable. He treats me awesome. I just wanna say something.

I've ALWAYS been for monogamous relationships, but finding out what my other half was doing fucked if up for me. I forgive him and love him but since that whole episode I just don't feel the same. I don't have hat feeling. It's not his fault (he's apologised profusely and has been an angel since) and although I believe him, I just feel so differently since he did it. I feel lost and I feel so disconnected to him. I just don't feel "it" anymore. The feeling I had when I fell in love. And I feel so selfish. I forgive him so why can't that be the end? He tells me he loves me everyday, but I just don't feel that anymore. I feel - the easiest I can describe is distant. Like I wanna be there but I'm not. :(

After he cheated on you all this happened. That should tell you something.

You don't feel "it" anymore because you were betrayed in a sense.



Majora on 10 January 2013

I just love the whole "holding each other" . Omg how sick is that haha but I love that so much - just holding someone. That's what I miss. That's what I had when I was younger. Oh, time...



BradleyJ on 10 January 2013

The idea of being in a relationship while also 'acting on instinct' with others sounds great, but it doesn't work for everyone. I've tried it and it didn't work for me. Jealousy and feeling of betrayal got in the way, and guilt when I was with others. However, I also know an old married gay couple who have been together for decades and right from the start they established that they would be able to fool around outside of the relationship and they seem happy.

Based on your posts it seems like it's just not going to work, at least not with this guy.



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fordy on 10 January 2013
Majora said:
On one hand I'm so proud of the length of time I've been with my fella. But I realise I'm doing it to give credence to a relationship in which, if I'm honest, I'm desperately miserable. But I feel I don't have a right to be miserable. He treats me awesome. I just wanna say something.

I've ALWAYS been for monogamous relationships, but finding out what my other half was doing fucked if up for me. I forgive him and love him but since that whole episode I just don't feel the same. I don't have hat feeling. It's not his fault (he's apologised profusely and has been an angel since) and although I believe him, I just feel so differently since he did it. I feel lost and I feel so disconnected to him. I just don't feel "it" anymore. The feeling I had when I fell in love. And I feel so selfish. I forgive him so why can't that be the end? He tells me he loves me everyday, but I just don't feel that anymore. I feel - the easiest I can describe is distant. Like I wanna be there but I'm not. :(


I think that's an issue of trust playing on your feelings. If an experience was traumatic, there is a subconscious thought developed as a kind of low-level warning to avoid a repeat trauma. It's a side effect of our learning process, something like "I'm not going to put my hand in that fire again, after what happened last time".



Majora on 10 January 2013
NintendoPie said:
Majora said:
On one hand I'm so proud of the length of time I've been with my fella. But I realise I'm doing it to give credence to a relationship in which, if I'm honest, I'm desperately miserable. But I feel I don't have a right to be miserable. He treats me awesome. I just wanna say something.

I've ALWAYS been for monogamous relationships, but finding out what my other half was doing fucked if up for me. I forgive him and love him but since that whole episode I just don't feel the same. I don't have hat feeling. It's not his fault (he's apologised profusely and has been an angel since) and although I believe him, I just feel so differently since he did it. I feel lost and I feel so disconnected to him. I just don't feel "it" anymore. The feeling I had when I fell in love. And I feel so selfish. I forgive him so why can't that be the end? He tells me he loves me everyday, but I just don't feel that anymore. I feel - the easiest I can describe is distant. Like I wanna be there but I'm not. :(

After he cheated on you all this happened. That should tell you something.

You don't feel "it" anymore because you were betrayed in a sense.


I just don't feel what I did before I found out what happened. I don't want to feel this way, I've forgiven him, so why can't I just go back to normal? I just think our relationship is basically a joke now. He tries SO hard to put things right, why can't I just let go and say its all fine? I'm so mad at myself. I just wanna go back to how it was before. Am I a bad person?



Mummelmann on 10 January 2013

Yes, yes I do. I feel like a stranger among my own kin sometimes, my attitude and opinion towards relationships and love and sex seems miles removed from the norm.



NintendoPie on 10 January 2013
Majora said:


I just don't feel what I did before I found out what happened. I don't want to feel this way, I've forgiven him, so why can't I just go back to normal? I just think our relationship is basically a joke now. He tries SO hard to put things right, why can't I just let go and say its all fine? I'm so mad at myself. I just wanna go back to how it was before. Am I a bad person?

No. You aren't a bad person, but you're being kind of ridiculous. (Not trying to be mean.)

EVERYONE wants what you want. You just won't find it with this relationship anymore. 

I bet if you seperate from him and try to find someone else you will find that you're a whole lot more happy.



kain_kusanagi on 10 January 2013

You're poll doesn't make any sense.

To answer your question, I believe very strongly in monogamy.

If your significant other cheated on you it's up to you if you want to forgive and move on, but don't let a cheater make you think you aren't worth being loved 100%. That's what monogamy is, two people together as one.