happydolphin said:
hehehe :) you're just too *deep sigh*, I can't resist :P @adinnieken. I'm not sure to be honest. I've never been a fan of the buff type, for example, yet many girls are about that. I'm also half middle-eastern, and in this region of Canada (Fredericton, New Brunswick), it is very hard to fit in the cool club looking middle-eastern, as sad as that is. I can have a great personality, be a really fun guy, but getting in the acceptance circle is pretty tough. Personally I'll value more a physique like Harrison Ford in Raiders, for example. Well defined, but not too ripped, and a nice tan. Handsome like George Clooney, that kind of handsome. That is a physique I wish I had. These days getting even a good meal hasn't been too easy, food is pricy and salaries are low here. So that's how I define masculine, and that's what I desire, yet the women around me collectively seek a different type of masculine. I'm definitely not getting attention from the ladies. At first I get some attention, but there's something I do that turns them away fairly soon, maybe I'm uninteresting, of all things Happyd is... Uninteresting. For some reason I feel fully emancipated on vgchartz, yet when comes the time to socialize in real life, I fail miserably. I fail at eye contact, I fail at body language, I fail at keeping a conversation alive... I fail at all those things that seem to be where others make things work. My 50 year old friend is better with the ladies than I am, and he doesn't have a better physique than I do. For some funny reason, I find girls terribly uninteresting... :( Is my perception of the opposite sex flawed and how bad is it? |
I think Farsala hit highlighted an important issue.
There's honestly a lot to cover which might not properly get covered in a post.
I'm guessing you're around 14-15, maybe 16. If so, the thing is the girls you know today will start changing in terms of their expectations of guys. Right now, the problem is, they look at a guy's physical attributes and expect or believe him to be a good person. That's rarely the case. You may not be a "stud", you might not even be all that great looking right now, but in a few years you'll start coming into your own and start looking more attractive to a wider range of girls.
Yes, there is likely a girl or two (or more) that find you attractive, but for whatever reason you might not be socially acceptable to date. Between 14-16 girls are still in the age of social acceptance. They want their friends and everyone else to like them, to be their friend, and they'll do what it takes to be that person. Sometimes that includes no liking someone they do like. So, don't get discourage by what is happening right now. Right now sucks.
The attributes you find attractive in a man are those attributes you most desperately want to possess. For right now, table that. Worry about being your own person instead of being someone else. Take some baby steps to resolve some important deficiencies, like your ability to socialize. To begin with, socialize with people. Hang out and talk. Go to dances. In order to better communicate with the ladies, ask open-ended questions. Yes and no questions have their place, but they shut down conversations quickly and they don't open you or the person you're talking to up to discovery. If you want to learn about someone, as open-ended questions.
For example: Instead of "Do you like Justin Bieber?" ask "What kind of music do you like?", then "What artists or bands?" if she hasn't said already. "Have you ever been to one of their gigs/concerts?" An open-ended question will offer you more to work with in terms of future questions, so it is important to listen to what someone is saying because you need to draw off that to figure out what you're going to say next. Follow up close-ended questions quickly, don't let a long time pass before you figure out the next thing you're going to say because it'll be awkward. The idea, is to ask questions that a) allow you to get to know someone else and b) keep the conversation going. Hopefully, either before you've exhausted all the questions you can possibly think of, she'll start asking you questions so she can get to know you better.
Now as you far as you being interesting, there has to be something interesting about you. You're of middle-eastern decent in Canada, there's a starting point. You need to take inventory of what you like, and figure out what is interesting about you. If there isn't much there, then you need to start developing yourself. Either read books, learn something interesting, develop an opinion, or a hobby. Video games and anime are generally two things that won't interest very many girls, so unless you're living in a large city with a wide variety of girls at your school, then I'd refrain from mentioning either of those unless she shows interest.
I can't help whether you become attracted to guys or not. I can only offer that in my opinion this is because you recognize something you believe other girls would find attractive, thus there's a bit of transference in that you're beginning to desire the attributes you believe women desire.
Problem is, you're chasing after the ideas of a mid-teenage girl who will grow out of them in a few years and develop a desire for less physical attributes.
