Trolling at its finest. =P

"There's a dead body inside this box. There's nothing interesting here."

-Heather Mason, Silent Hill 3

I lol'ed when I got to that point!

Brucie was the best!

The Talk Show radio stations in GTA 4 were also funny as hell! 

Okay guys, it's pretty long, but read all of it. It's PURE GOLD! I'm serious! Read All of it. It's Hilarious

__________________________________________________________________________________________
ANNOUNCER: Justice is a game. Just like a game where you play doctor, and the
other boy takes advantage of you, and you block it out for years. It takes
money to play the game right, but if you run out of money, you run out of
justice and straight into therapy.

JUDGE: In this court, I am the law. I'm Judge Grady. And this is Just or
Unjust.

ANNOUNCER: The scripted drama of a court show.

WOMAN: I'm the mother of his son!

JUDGE: That doesn't mean he can't get some on the side!

ANNOUNCER: Meets justice of an American courtroom.

JUDGE: Somebody give me head and I'll waive the charges!

ANNOUNCER: The tension of a desperate network, trying to stave off its own
self-imposed death rattle, by making a mockery of our justice system.

MAN: But he put me in a wheelchair! And I've got to save the world in the next
half hour, including commercials!

JUDGE: I'm tired of your fake sob stories. How am I supposed to believe you
lost your leg? Now wheel on out of here, Lieutenant, before I push you down
the stairs myself.

ANNOUNCER: All put together with the incredible excitement of a game show.

JUDGE: OK. You have ten seconds to tell the truth, or you'll be set on fire.

WOMAN: This isn't fair!

JUDGE: [laughs] Welcome to America, lady!

WOMAN: [screams in pain]

ANNOUNCER: This is Just or Unjust with Judge Grady. It's the hard world of
radio justice, real plaintiffs and defendants in a radio court of law.

JUDGE: Today we've got Allen vs. Davis, case 465. OK, I read your opening
statements. Let's get goin'. Before me is Lamar Davis and Angela Allen. You
two used to be in a relationship. And Miss Allen is suing you for five
thousand dollars to fix damages you did to her car with a baseball bat? Mr.
Davis, can you explain yourself?

LAMAR: Your Honor, that female is crazy.

JUDGE: Yeah...yeah...sounds like the truth to me. [gavel] Court is adjourned!

ANGELA: Hey! You're not even gonna hear my side of it?

JUDGE: Oh...well, shit. We've got some time to kill. Why not? Approach the
bench, Miss Allen.

ANGELA: OK, yes, Your Honor.

JUDGE: Now sit on my lap.

ANGELA: Um...OK.

JUDGE: There, there. Now isn't that better? Now tell me what happened to you,
baby while I stroke your back.

ANGELA: Well, I was together with Lamar for a year and he started acting
real crazy. Hey! What are you doing?

JUDGE: Oh, sh...sh...woman, calm down! I'm soothin' you. It's part of the
legal process. Now, Mr. Davis...

LAMAR: Yes, Judge Grady, I mean, we were together for a while. She was fine,
she carried herself well, and she's got big [grunts] if you know what I mean.

JUDGE: She sure does. I'm feelin' 'em right now. Hold still, girl.

LAMAR: But she's evil! And a cheater! She scratched my brand new truck. I
needed a truck because I'm an accountant.

JUDGE: Is that so? You scratched his truck? His new accountancy truck? The
kind of truck a man who works in a office buys so he can feel like a man
again? What kind of woman scratches a man's truck? That's his manhood you're
scratchin'. The very essence of his masculinity!

ANGELA: He sticks outside my house at all times of the night. He's out
there in the morning, watching me. I go to the store, he's peering at me
through Sprunk bottles on Aisle 7!

LAMAR: I'm not a stalker, Your Honor. Not after my last conviction. I'm just
tryin' to get some information. These are fact-finding missions!

JUDGE: What kind of information?

LAMAR: Uh...like who she's screwing so I can kill him. [crowd gasps]

ANGELA: You see, Your Honor? He's psychotic! He's-he's, hey, why are you
touching my hair?

JUDGE: It sure is lovely. So tell me, Mr. Davis, what did you do then?

LAMAR: Well, I was really mad about my truck, so I went to my quiet place
after my Yoga class, meditated, deep breathing, then I kinda accidentally
beat all the windows out of her car with a baseball bat [gasps], peed in the
front seat, slashed her tires, and took a dump in the air filter.

JUDGE: You shit in the air filter!?! [maniacal laughter] Give it up, my man.
That's cold.

LAMAR: Yeah. So every time she turns on the air conditioner, her car smells
like my shit!

JUDGE: Ha! That's right. That's right! That's ingenuity right there. That's
what got us out of the primordial soup and into the luxury condos and plasma
TV's and robotic dogs. Good goin'! I like your style! Now see girl? That's why
you are the undisputed weaker sex and we are humiliating you on the radio.
Name one woman wrestler who's any good. Name the first woman on the Moon.
Ah, trick question. Name one woman pro football player. How many women wrote
Shakespeare's plays? Answer me! You can't. And you...are gonna have to go
through life as the weaker sex. I mean, tell me girl, did you deserve all
this?

ANGELA: No, I mean...he owes me. [Boos] He's got a good job, and I had his
child.

JUDGE: You two have a baby?!?

LAMAR: Yes, Your Honor, we did, but I tried to do the right thing and push her
down the stairs, like you recommended on one of your shows, but she had it
anyway. Then I tried to sell it on the Internet.

JUDGE: Good deal. Miss Allen?

ANGELA: He acted like he isn't the father. [gasps] I had to do everything
on my own. I didn't sleep for six months!

JUDGE: You're a terrible mother! [boos] I can tell by listenin' to you!

ANGELA: But, I love my son.

LAMAR: When I met her, I was 24. She said she was 23, but she was really 13.

ANGELA: No, I didn't! I told you I was 13.

LAMAR: Well, they sound alike...

ANGELA: You told me it was OK because you were from South Carolina.

LAMAR: How do I know it's my baby anyhow?

JUDGE: The DNA test says so.

LAMAR: Well, what is DNA? I've never seen it, and I'm an accountant. How are
you gonna believe in somethin' you can't see? I can't see the wind...

JUDGE: Ain't that the truth!?? I never seen DNA, or stem cells...or a law
degree for that matter. I'm gonna have to retire to my quarters and think
about this.

[gavel]

ANNOUNCER: Judge Grady is taking Miss Allen back to his quarters to discuss
his decision. Let's talk to a few people in the courtroom audience. Sir, what
do you think? Who's in the right here?

MAN: He really has a lot of explaining to do. He pushed her down the stairs!
That's no way to get rid of a girlfriend!

ANNOUNCER: And what about you, ma'am?

WOMAN: I'm gonna try that thing with the air filter!

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after this, on Just or Unjust.

ANNOUNCER: WKTT. Because I love my country, and if you don't, fuck you and
your fat wife. WKTT, 1066. Talk radio for people who are always right.

---

ANNOUNCER: We're back on Just or Unjust, with the case of the scratched truck
and the underage father. Judge Grady is back in the courtroom with his
decision.

JUDGE: [gavel] OK, all rise! Please be seated. Now rise again! Now get down!
[music plays]

CROWD: Yeah, that's right!

JUDGE: This portion of Just or Unjust brought to you by America's Next Top
Hooker on CNT.

[music]

JUDGE: OK, you know how this works. Courtroom audience names the game. The
defendant and the plaintiff have to play it. How should we decide this case?

MAN: Make them eat glass!

WOMAN: Put a box of bees on their head!

MAN: Cannibalism! Let's eat them both!

WOMAN: Gladiator cage.

CROWD: Gladiator cage! Gladiator cage! Gladiator cage!

JUDGE: OK...we haven't had this one in a while. Both of you, step into the
cage! OK. On the floor, you will find a sword, a mace, a flail, a hammer, and
two tridents. Choose your weapons. OK! Now, are you ready?

LAMAR and ANGELA: Yes!

JUDGE: OK...release the lions!

ANGELA: Hey!

LAMAR: What the fuck!

[lions roar]

[screams]

JUDGE: [maniacal laughter] That'll teach you to screw with the damn truck!
Damn! That lion ripped off her arm!

LAMAR: Yeah, bitch, that's what you get!

JUDGE: Oh, it's comin' back to you!

[LAMAR screams]

JUDGE: That's what you get for hookin' up with a young girl and stalkin' her
at the supermarket! Let this be a lesson to you all. Two wrongs don't make a
right. Damn. I love it.

[music]

JUDGE: What did we learn today? We learned that passion can be your undoing.
The sensationalist shows like this, celebrity worship, ignoring politics, it
feels good! Like I just wake up each morning and wrap my hands around the
American dream and choke the life out of it. Now, studio audience, when the
lion is done, you guys can go in and eat the rest! [cheers]

ANNOUNCER: Let's see what our studio audience thinks. Sir, was that justice?

MAN: Sure was! I mean, man, when a couple don't get on, rather than a messy
separation, what Judge Grady gave us today was two people being messily
separated by lions! That shit was dope!

ANNOUNCER: And you, madam?

WOMAN: Wow, I knew it! Tastes just like chicken!

ANNOUNCER: Great.

CROWD: Just or Unjust!

ANNOUNCER: See you next time on Just or Unjust.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

The guys at Rockstar are geniuses!

Don't forget the "Republican Space Rangers"!

GTA:SA

Tommy Smith

"I love that record, have made love to that record, both alone and with others."

What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you!

TOASTY!!!!!!!!!!

-Dan Forden, Mortal Kombat

GLaDOS quotes from Portal

"There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: 'Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall NOT be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny, too."

"When I said 'deadly neurotoxin,' the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff. Put in on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all... to *me.* You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness... a lot less funny."

"Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far... is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that, and we'll just call it a day. I guess we both know that isn't going to happen."

"This isn't brave. It's murder."

"That thing you burned up isn't important to me; it's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans... nice job breaking it, hero."

"Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!"

" Remember, the Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested."

-------------------------------

GLaDOS quotes from Portal 2

"I think we can put our differences behind us... for science... you monster."

"Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that. Don't let that "horrible person" thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep."

"You look ugly in that jumpsuit. That's not my opinion, it's right here on your fact sheet. They said on everyone else it looked fine but on you it looked hideous. But still what does an old engineer know about fashion. Oh, wait it's a she. Still, what does she know about, oh wait. She has a medical degree. In fashion. From France."

"Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds."

" [after Chell steps on an Aerial Faith Plate for the first time] Look at you, soaring through the air like an eagle... piloting a blimp."

From http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0069595/