From a GAF thread, some of the most inspired rants firing flame wars in a era when teh Internet didn't have pron.

Nintendo Anti-Trust Investigation

The reason Ninrakedough is so popular here is that the average dweenie
never played any of the really good games of the early 1980's and
last owned an Atari 2600.  This makes Joe Hydrocephally really believe
the games he plays on his Nintwobit are major technological coups.  After
all, they are alot more fun than the pirated games he has for that PC
Clone he bought at K-Mart.
  The other reason that Nofundo is so popular is that they advertise,
ADVERTISE A D V E R T I S E until you want to shove a Tetris where
the sun never shines.

  However, Nintendo in Japan is a different story.  It came out two years
before it was released here and had NO LOCKOUT system.  Technologically,
it's comparable to the Atari 7800, except I think that the Atari has
better video quality.

  The Lameboy is just an extension of their luddite policies extended
to the hand held.  If Atari makes enough Lynxes, they might actually
get beaten although this is certainly a long shot due to Atari's major
psychological problems....

Gameboy is dead 1993

It's funny that people think "LameBoy"'s are cool JUST because they have so
many cartridges for them.  So does that mean that if a Porsche and a Ford
Escort were the same price, that I should buy the Ford Escort *JUST* because
there are more Ford dealers?

Personally, one good game in color is worth 100 good (although most are crappy)
games in (yawn) black and gray.  (I suppose I could also rag on the fact that
the Lameboy screens need flashlights to play in low light...).

Why is Nintendo so bad - 1989

There are quite a few shitty games that HAVE the Nintendo seal of approval.
Who judges these things anyway?  Most of the newer Nintendo games that I have
seen have bland, graphics that flicker horribly..  My 13 year old brother can
finish most of these games in 1 night.  A very big disappointment....

Nintendo Vs Sega - 1989

I don't dismiss them as simple minded, I dismiss them as ignorant.  There
is a difference.  These people don't realize what an obsolete piece
of crap the NES is.  Just like there are hoards of people who still
believe PC clones are the pinnacle of Earth technology...

Don't you Loooove the Internet

Don't listen to that stuff, it's over 10 years old!

VERY good find.

And nothing's changed

Nintendo is doomed for eternity ever since the day they were first criticized, lol.

Ninrakedough?
Nintwobit?
Nofundo?

The only one I'd heard before was LameBoy.  But the LameBoy had Tetris, so the LameBoy changed gaming forever while the Atari Lynx was lost to the sands of time.

Even in the 80's there were trolls whining about colors and processing power, because they didn't "get" games like Tetris, and history has dealt with them accordingly.  Now we have to dig deep into the bowels of the internet to find their trolling, just so we can laugh at it.  In 20 years we'll be doing the same with the Wii trolling.  And it will be awesome.

Great find sir!

My favorites:

Why is Nintendo so bad?

I didn't want to turn this back into a Nintendo-bash, but I personally don't
like Nintendo. I'm not asking anyone else to share my opinion, but I have the
right to express that view.

They use low-end technology with high end marketing to achive success; fine.
But a techno-weenie like myself would like to see technology being pushed to
its limit and have the best unit win, not the best marketing department.
Forcing competitors out of the marketplace with "questionable" marketing
tactics may be fair or it may not be... it's just not something that I like to
see in an area of consumer electronics that I enjoy.

______________________________________________________________________________________

And better yet, the article that started that thread:

I was going over the differences between East and West video game styles with Eugene Jarvis, the 27-year-old designer of such "hardcore" games as Robotron, Stargate, and Defender, the other day when he brought up the notion that the Japanese, with the "easier" games "were giving a boost to the novice player, but ripping off the expert." If this continued, Jarvis maintained, it could wipe out the cult of the "pinball wizard" and the "video freak." I thought about this and decided it was absolutely true. Top Japanese games like Donkey Kong and Pac-Man are far more accessible to the "novice" and appeal to a wider group of people. They are colorful, cartoony, friendly, inviting. The "plots" are basically benign. Mario's love for the girl in Donkey Kong, and his persistence in pursuing her, is sort of sweet. Pac-Man's dot-eating proclivities are nothing if not cute. My mother in law, a Pac-Man fan who doesn't care for many of the American games, says "eating things is much nicer than blowing them up." In fact, Pac-Man is often described as a woman's game, with all the implications of the term "woman's drink."

This is exactly what Jarvis was talking about. Formerly, a typical video game player might be a warty teenager, a National Lampoon reader, blasting AC-DC in his room, who went to the arcade to kick a machine's butt. "From shit to God for a quarter," Jarvis commented. The games this type of player favors are almost invariably the American ones: Tough to play, intimidating to the novice, shooting-driving-destroying paranoid filled games. "Sperm games," Jarvis calls them. But now, he went on, these elitist video cowboys might be as extinct as their doggiepunching pinball forerunners. Says Jarvis: "How can you feel cool if your mother is playing in the same arcade? It's like she put your Led Zep record and liked them better than you.

Oh, and this

On the subject of choosing a video game.....my five cents....

Personally, I think the Nintendo is a piece of right wing garbage akin to the
IBM PC. Slow, out of date, but heavily marketed so that mindless dweenies will
think it's the hottest thing since Zelda had her first period. I have yet TO
SEE A SINGLE GAME ON THE THING SUBSTANTIALLY BETTER THAN STUFF I PLAYED ON MY
OLD ATARI 800 SEVEN YEARS AGO.....Yes, there are some nice games, but they do
not do anything extraordinary and in fact clearly show the glaring limitations
of the thing's inferior pre-VLSI hardware.

On the subject of the Sega Genesis and the Turbografix 16. At least these guys
are using hardware invented after the Apple II, give 'em credit! The graphics
in these games are NICE! I really can't give a decent opinion as to which is
better, they're both fantastic!

But now I get to stand on my soapbox and have some fun. Correct me if I am
wrong, but isn't the Atari 7800 superior hardware wise to the NES? I heard
thing could manipulate 64 BIG sprites at once. It was developed right when
the slump hit the videogame industry, and two fantastic and innovative games
Rescue at fractalus and Ballblazer NEVER got the recognition they deserved.
I have yet to see ANYTHING on the NES half as good as these wondrous
creations from Lucasfilm. All I ever see are variations on the horizontal/
vertical scrolling find the magic trinket and or blow it up while a host of
randomly drawn stick figures get in your way theme. I'd rather pay 25 cents
in an arcade and at least get decent graphics and sound.

This gets us to another topic. Anyone who believes the Gamebody superior to
the Lynx is a complete loony. However, I think there is a good chance the
Lynx will fail simply because the Gameboy is saturing the market. I hope this
does not happen because I do not see anyone else creating truly innovative
software for home video games. Even the Sega and NEC systems are only offering
souped up versions of the aforementioned theme...

The only really nifty games are being written for Amigas and ST's with sorry
adaptions made for befuddled PC users who gladly shuck out the bucks when they
see screenshots from the ST and Amiga versions (usually the Amiga version :)),
and get the Nintendosized version of a formerly fantastic game. One could
probably write neat stuff for the Mac II, but who wants to pay $7000 for a
video game ? The saddest part about this tale is that the PC version by far
outshines the combined profits of Amiga and ST versions so now some programmers
are dropping the Amiga and ST and limiting their horizons simply for the bucks.

I'm writing what I hope is a truly innovative video game myself right now, I
am writing it on an Atari ST with plans for both Amiga and PC adaptations, but
the key word here IS adaptations. The Amiga version will certainly be a little
better with the nifty sound and blitter chip, but I will need to write the PC
adaptation to make the thing truly profitable and that will be by far the
hardest part. Anyone out there looking for games for the NEC or Genesis? This
game would be PERFECT! I already know the thing would crash and burn on an NES

In closing, this post rambled ALOT, but I have wanted to broadcast my views
on the NES monopoly and the general creative decline it has triggered for a
very long time...

Although the line "from s*** to God for one quarter" WAS pretty cool...

And "Sperm games"

Epic. 

Wow. Didn't realize the levels of internet stuff pre-internet during NES days.

Nintendo has always had the core all pissed off.