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Ryuu96 said:

Is there anyone that you can talk to, a close friend or family member? I don't know if it applies to you but I know that often folk will think they're being a burden on friends or family by opening up but that is not the case, your close friends and family love you and any real friend or family member will only want you to be okay and do anything to help you achieve that.

There's no apology needed either, I think that almost everyone has these dark thoughts from time to time, the world would be a better place if we were more open and honest about these things, it's far better than bottling things up and encourages others to speak out before they do something bad. So if anything, I think it should be a "thank you" for showing it's okay to reach out.

As for the future, I think it's better (for the most part) to simply take things one day at a time, aside from some long term personal goals. Focus on what makes you happy at this very moment on this day, then the next day and so on. There is so many things outside of your control that can happen between now and a date in the future, both good and bad, nobody knows, life can be pretty random.

As for your brain, do you agree with it or do you know that deep down it is a lie? I've definitely had some negative thoughts in the past from my lying POS brain (heh) but I know that none of it is true, I don't know what you're going through right now but I'm sure you know deep down that it's a lie coming from a specific part of your brain, I'm sure your parents didn't hate you, any good parent simply wants their child to be okay and everything else is minor, I'm betting that it isn't true that nobody needs you around, I'm sure they'd be multiple people devastated at losing you and even some here that would be sad.

I am sorry about your current physical health and financial difficulties, I can't offer much advice there, I do hope things improve there too, I'm fairly lucky in that my own physical disability has remained consistent but I'm prepared for the future, I do hope you can find some comfort with your knee in the future, the body can be fragile but it can also be remarkably adaptable, honestly it can be sorta fragile and sturdy at the same time, it's pretty amazing and hopefully you'll find something to ease any (pain?) I imagine you're experiencing in your knee.

And hey, if there's no purpose in life, no big grand scheme, then have fun with it, do whatever makes you happy, the fact that we're here in the first place is pretty damn insane, remarkable, whatever word you want to use, we're pretty f*cking special, each one of us and we only get one life to live so don't miss out on anything you want to do, search for that purpose in living and do some crazy shit (within legal bounds, lol).

Also the fact that you're still alive right now shows that some part of you wants to be, whether you realise it or not, whether it's our natural instincts to stay alive or something more, you're still here despite a part of your brain feeding you these negative lies, you're still fighting because you're a strong person and we've all seen that, I have no doubt that you will get through this and manage to see some positivity in the world again, something to look forward to.

This was what I needed to be reminded of. Thanks so much!

I don't really have living family who communicate with me anymore, but there is someone I'm able to talk with a little at work, but not that deeply. (It's my former girlfriend.) I'm not very good at making friends anymore. I mean I can still find groups that I fit in with today, but they're all online niches and there's nobody local. I'm lonely. I definitely need to regain long-lost people skills beyond just reciting the pre-recorded messages my job requires me to regurgitate dozens of times a day.

Yes, I'm in physical pain and I have ways of addressing that, but I don't know if they're healthy, they're just the only solutions I know.

Anyway, the bottom line is, yes, I needed the reminder to focus on living one day at a time rather than focusing on the timeline. Sometimes it's tough when the little day-to-day joys I can get out of life seem so small in comparison to the challenges I've made for myself and others. I could use a little adventure, it's true. Something to take my mind off stuff. It's just when I get like this, nothing seems appealing anymore, you know? It all seems boring or like a chore. That's why maybe an adventure of some kind is the right answer; something I've always wanted to do but haven't gotten to. I'll have to think about that.

Last edited by Jaicee - on 11 January 2022