I can neither afford nor want more therapy. It's not been particularly helpful to me in a long time.
Sorry to scare everyone. I'll probably get over this. I have bouts like this from time to time, but this is the worst one I've experienced in a good while. I was thinking about Valentine's Day recently and realized I couldn't picture myself being alive on Valentine's Day. My brain sometimes starts thinking like "No one needs you around; your job is worthless and anyone can do it, your mom and dad hated you because you failed them, your knee won't recover and you can't do anything without it, you're hungry and overdue on the water bill and another tile just fell off the wall of your tub and your whole fucking house is falling apart and nobody cares because nobody loves you because you're unlovable, your life is so meaningless that nobody will even attend your funeral or miss you, there's no purpose to life anyway", stuff like that, and it takes me some time to start appreciating the little things again like I need to when I think about the big picture of life. I don't know how to put it out of my mind right now, which is why I need advice/distractions (or just kind words; those help too). I know myself. I appreciate it everyone.
Yes, I know there's nothing after death. My brain isn't registering how that's different from life right now and it's morally better than being a burden to people. Isn't that funny? Like every creature from the dawn of time to now has had as its first natural instinct to stay alive and I don't. I'm special. That's what they tell me anyway.
EDIT: I'm sorry again. Thank you for your kind words.
Existing User Log In
New User Registration
Register for a free account to gain full access to the VGChartz Network and join our thriving community.
