| CrazyGamer2017 said: I read all you said and what others said, I'm just removing the bulk of it from the quote to avoid an unnecessary bulky reply Now to answer your question. And first I want to say that I have already answered it though in different forms perhaps, depending on the content of the messages I was answering to but I'm not ignoring you so I'll answer you too. I am by no stretch of the imagination overlooking these facts that you explain, in fact I totally acknowledge them as part of how bad a marriage can end up being. In fact I even consider those things you said as even MORE reason to think twice and act responsible when you decide to marry someone. Because on top of the stuff you could foresee, there is the stuff you can't so you really need serious responsibility for your choices when entering such a seriously life impacting choice that is marriage. But the fundamentals of my argument still stand in light of what you are saying. One needs to realize that one can end up not loving the other one or having to force oneself to live with someone for the sake of the children or that the other may end up being violent etc. People don't consider these possible turns of events when marrying and I believe they should. My logic is irrefutable, I'm not married so my wife won't beat me up or cheat on me or steal my kids and demand alimony or any other bad thing that can happen in marriage. I don't have to worry about ruining myself in lawyers against her that not only will take their toll financially but psychologically as well and the same goes to her, I will never cheat on her, steal our kids, beat her up, ruin her in lawyers because I am NOT married and don't plan to because no matter how terrible things your spouse decides to do to you in a worst case scenario and I totally agree that the spouse's choices to do bad things are his/her crime, there will still be a voice deep inside me that will say: You had a choice to not marry, you said "Yes, I do" to the priest and you said yes because you did not consider the possible consequences of marrying a human being that is by definition flawed and here you are. NOT responsible of the crime but responsible of the choice you made. Well that's what I'd say to myself should I fall victim to something bad inside marriage. Now this which I just said strays a little from the main topic which is sex and a specific form of abusive sex called rape. I'm sorry if it sounds bizarre and it may be but I can't help thinking it's odd. You can't predict that he's going to beat you up, you can't predict that he's gonna steal your kids and ruin you in lawyers in the process (or you do him) you can't predict that he's going to cheat on you but you CAN predict that he is HUMAN and that one of the reasons he marries you is to have sex with you. Nay, let me rephrase: you don't even have to predict that he's human cause he obviously is and unless you've lived alone in a deserted island, you like everyone else are supposed to understand what humans are. You do have access to the news don't you? You see what humans can do, murder: rape, torture, kill, take power, dominate others, crush others to allow themselves to climb the ladder of success etc. If it's nasty, evil or disgusting you can bet somewhere, some human has done it. Yet when you decide to marry one, it's as if you lost all knowledge you have accumulated throughout your life. You suddenly don't know what humans are capable of and you bind yourself to another human through marriage. Then for the sake of my argument let's go with the worst case scenario: he turns out to be a total asshole, beats you up and rapes you... Holy shit, what a surprise, you had NO IDEA what humans were capable of, like you thought you had married an angel or some kind of demigod that is wise beyond humanity and therefore could never rape or kill or abuse in any way? So yeah it's odd in my humble opinion that you KNOW that sex is this powerful drive people can't resist, you KNOW that marriage is society basically telling you: go ahead screw each other's brains out it's legal and approved (don't mean rape at this point, just consenting sex),you KNOW that he's human and that as such he may not want to control his urges and that he could see marriage as a way not having to. you KNOW as a human he may be dangerous in many different ways (beating women up, raping them, murdering them, murdering kids etc...) and knowing all that you marry him/her... And when the shit hits the fan you're like: Wow I had no idea this could happen??? I totally could not have predicted this as a POSSIBLE outcome? Like I said, maybe I'm too logical for my own good or something but I simply don't buy that and that's why I believe we all (me included) must take RESPONSIBILITY for our choices in life. Just as the ones committing rapes must take responsibility for the crimes they commit as they are the SOLE responsible of the crime itself and just cause the victim did not take responsibility for his/her choices does not mean the criminal is exempt of his responsibility in the crime. The criminal remains the criminal and the victim is still the victim, it's obvious but I still want to repeat that as I don't wish for anyone thinking I'm blaming the victim for the crime. I hope this answers your question and while you may disagree, please kindly respect my opinion as I do yours, thank you. |
I feel like your entire argument falls apart when you consider that if you are not married, the same exact outcomes can occur. It isn't like you suddenly open yourself up to these new possibilities of rape when you get married, so how is performing the act of marriage in any way becoming responsible for the actions that led to the act (or however way you want to phrase it)?
You could even argue that, especially as a woman, the act of marriage protects you from numerous negative outcomes.
It is kind of like betting when the odds are 100-1 (in a situation where you are required to bet). Would you say that someone made a mistake if they lose or tell the person that maybe they should bet against the odds next time? No, because that doesn't make sense. These situations occur against the odds, so to become a slave to these possibilities is to cut yourself off from the potential positive outcomes, like saying "I'm not going to go to the beach because a shark might kill me". While you probably shouldn't be swimming if there are sharks around, you cannot expect someone to plan for every unlikely scenario because that would leave them locked in a padded cell, receiving a steady IV drip of nutrients because do you know how many people die from eating every year? Oh, you choked? You shouldn't have made the absolutely ridiculous decision to eat solid food.
There is so much else I want to say about this post (like, no, just because some fraction of people commit murder doesn't mean that you should expect everyone to be a murderer), but I'll leave it at this for now.
