| VGPolyglot said: I don't know how to tackle this question, because this is very sensitive, so please guys if it brings bad memories or is hurtful/dangerous to respond, please don't. However, I generally think about killing myself a few times a day. It's not serious; or rather, it's not something I seriously consider. But it is something that I'm like "I wonder what'd happen if I killed myself", and I try to imagine different ways of how it could be pulled off. Is that normal for you guys? Do you have passive suicidal thoughts too? I really hope I'm not crossing a line here by asking this. |
I had this once, like 15 years ago, after trying to have a relationship with a borderliner girl. She had been abused as a child and I thought I saw much more in her, than she could herself, or anybody else. It ended in her trying to kill me, scratching my whole face, throat and biting my arms down to the bones. Yelling at me that I was responsible for what had happened to her, as a child.
Broke my self-esteem, was depressed for almost 3 years until I had realised what had happened. Including suicidal thoughts, blaming myself for what had happened. I saw the devil that day.... still having problems maintaining relationships since then.
Just last year a good friend of mine commited suicide. He ran away from the mental hospital he was treated at and hanged himself at his parent's house. Just 2 days ago the best friend of one my buddies did. Jumped in front of a train. You won't believe how devastated my buddy is...It's incredibly selfish and deestructive for anybody who just mildly cares for you, impacting their whole life.
After having overcome all that and a severe addiction lately, being incredibly happy that I'm still alive, I can understand thoughts like that to an extent, but despise them these days for obvious reasons.
One important step for me was to realise that I'm a hyper sensitive person. I always react very emotionally to things, positive or negative, which lead to myself feeling I was different than everybody else. Expressing all that through music and art helped me a lot and especially meeting or reading about other people who have the same struggles with our society. Made me understand that I was not that different at all since around 10% of humanity share this problem/gift.
Last edited by Errorist76 - on 19 February 2018
