Your actual reviewing isn't bad but some of your jokes and lines are pretty terrible.
'I'd rather clean up goose shit on a field'
'What a crapful of fuck platypus'
There were a couple of other ones as well that just stood out as not only not being funny but actually not making any sense either. You basically need to spend a lot of time actually working on individual lines rather than just on the entire script as a whole.
Also don't apologize after your lines, it just doesn't fit.