I'm writing a book. Anyone want to read what I have?

[monocle_layton]

I recommend you fixing the entire story to be honest.

I read 15 pages and dashed through about 40 before I realized there were some major issues.

1) This doesn't feel like a story. In all honesty, it reminds me of the saturday cartoons where it was a loosely tied plot with nonstop popcorn action. The difference between your book and a saturday cartoon? Your book actually has the potential to be decent.

2) The character may be a demigod, but at the same time he's expressed in such an unlikable fashion to the point where it ruins the book. We get that he's amazing and whatnot, but it feels as though you're trying to find a way to keep the novel floating.

Imagine if Sherlock Holmes was written in such a style. I assure you it wouldn't be loved. Show that your character is spectacular in ways beyond words.


3) Pacing and word selection

This is something which can be subjective, but I believe fixing the pace of your book and the word choice would work. You have descriptive words ruined by the incapability to use them properly. A lot of these paragraphs are harshly written and do not feel enjoyable to read.



I see some people personally criticizing you, but I won't. I don't care if you take my advice or not - here are my opinions. You're free to do whatever you want with them