So, everyone is hyped about Civil War, no? Well, if you can use only half of your brain, don’t be. The movie sucks so hard it’s almost not even fun talking about it. But I had to let some steam out of me, so here it goes.
(The following part of my text can be read since I will not spoil many details, just some general ideas that are also found in most reviews. I will give a heads up when more spoilers are about to come.)
First, let’s take the basic premise on account: the heroes discuss if they should or should not be controlled somehow. Cap doesn’t like the idea. Ironman, having just found out some aftermath details of his actions in Avengers 2 (which was also very disappointing in itself but not plain bad like this one), decides it is time someone else oversees their actions.
Up till this point, things were kind of interesting, though not great. But all of a sudden (well, not really because everyone should see the disgrace coming at that specific event) something happens and Bucky Barnes is (or thought to be) in the middle. Then, the Captain totally loses it! He decides HE is the only one good enough to bring his friend to justice and goes on hurting A LOT OF supposedly honest cops to do so. Then the thing just goes downhill when Bucky is finally captured. Why?, you may ask. Because these theoretically “super” heroes cannot talk properly!! I mean, one cannot simply hide from danger, get a phone, talk to one another and say: “I’ve been your friend through thick and thin and now I need you to listen. Things are not what they seem to be. PLEASE BELIEVE ME.” Do they ever try something like that? NO! (Well, of course they don’t, otherwise there would be no movie, right? At least not a movie that people that are able to think would buy.)
Everything happens not as an outcome of different, seriously discussed ideas, but only because stupid Captain decides he should back his friend up at all costs, even if that decision kills half a million people in the process, and all his latest friendships along with it.
I was in serious hope that they would see the idiocy of the fighting at some point and reunite, but...
Well, the worst, more serious part of the things done in the movie to justify all the violence has already been brought up, but there’s more.
(For the rest of the text, I’ll go into specific details so spoilers are ahead. Stop reading if you don’t wanna find out what they are.)
So, having said all of that, let me get my rant to fulcrum decisions of the script that are just too stupid to be taken seriously.
One of them, as Angelus has pointed out in a previous post from an EricFabian thread, is the fact that the main line of conflict is built around Bucky, which, as was said then, makes no sense and is just plain stupid because he's simply not significant enough and has never been.
Second, the “villain” and the way he does everything is so absurdly ridiculous I could not believe the movie decided to take that route.
Another one is that Captain America is, for the purpose of the movie, WAY OVERPOWERED.
He can stop a flying helicopter, as shown in the trailers.
He can single-handedly go against Spider-Man AND come out ok.
But, worst of it, he can DEFEAT IRONMAN, which is just not conceivable in any way, especially when the previous MCU iterations had shown Stark’s suit to be powerful enough to go against Thor and even to fight the Hulk (I know, I know, he called a special over suit – Hulkbuster – for that job but even so, the tech should not be fragile to the point that even Bucky could harm the helmet) and knock the latter down (and I call bullshit on that since that punch should only make the Hulk go back to being angry, but this may just be my fan side talking…).
There is a good surprise for Ant-Man during the airport scene but I was absolutely sure that they would deal with it the way they did when it first happened, so it even took the fun out of the “Empire” joke made by Spider-Man.
But, thinking about the so hyped Port Fight, who could ever believe that a Team with not one, but TWO Ironman suits, Spider-Man AND a Vision could even be threatened by the Captain’s assemble? As Angelus also pointed out, the only true threat on Cap’s team, Scarlett Witch, is, and I quote him, “for some reason left alone during the entire airport fight so she can assist every single member of his team without interference. Vision probably should be fighting her, but instead he's off screen being useless”.
So, Captain acts as if he is the only one in the world who knows what is right. The fact that he knew the secret behind Stark’s parents death but told nothing is simply atrocious. The only good thing about Captain, a mediocre character as I have always felt it, was the fact that he should do the right thing no matter what. Well, not now.
Heroes are supposed to be guides to our regular selves. They are supposed to serve as inspiration. But seriously, who can be inspired by a bunch of morons who are absolutely unable to sit and talk out their differences?
The thing is, they probably want to sell the crap that they (the heroes) are just humans like us and flawed like ourselves.
But really, being flawed shouldn’t be a synonym to be dumb as cripes. You can excuse a teenager for being stupid, since many parts of his/her brain are not fully developed, but grown men?
Remeber: that stupid idea of “real life” heroes brought the atrocities that were Nolan’s views of Batman. I mean, come on: a “real life Batman”? Heroes - Are - Supposed - To - Be - PHANTASY! It is all about the myth! Strip the legend out of Batman and you have a crazy guy, who should be in a mental institution, running in a ridiculous suit all over the city. And what about “The Dark Knight” openly defending that, to catch a bad guy, it is ok to go through all my constitutional rights for intimacy and privacy? Not on my watch! (I did not even see the third one since I almost puked at the end of “The Dark Knight”. If it weren’t for Heath’s acting as The Joker – even though Jack Nicholson made a far better one in my honest opinion – I would have sued to get my money back.)
Marvel's films were, until The Avengers and Guardians (and even Ant-Man, a nice, creative flick), good, light hearted fun. If they are taking this "real life" route, with so many stupid plot decisions in the way, count me out!
On an different, additional note, there is not enough Spider-Man to make this crapfest worth the while. And the way he first appears into the scene is simply horrible.
Also, everyone is talking how cool the Black Panther is. Yup, he IS cool, but the man inside the armour is not so much, mainly because of his final decision.
TL:DR – The movie is unbelievably disappointing. Even though some action scenes are fun, the ridiculous many decisions to resolve things by brawling only because they can is unacceptable. One should wait for it to be on Netflix or elsewhere and save both time and money.
My 1000th post: https://gamrconnect.vgchartz.com/post.php?id=9368779
