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"In breaking news, a man has pleaded guilty to saying hi to a woman in the street. This heinous crime has left the neighborhood shocked, and under new legislation, the man will now be placed on the sex offender's register. He was convicted of one count of greeting a female, and two counts of having a sex drive, and faces four years in jail.

According to experts, sexual harassment is at an all time high, with the average woman reporting receiving verbal greetings from at least three men daily."