OT:
SteamOs is still in beta.
Forget about it - you sound like you don't enjoy tinkering with your system. Either stay with Nintendo or get a PS4/X1.
It's fun to tinker btw.
EDIT:
OP said:"Steam OS is the only reason I'm even considering the steam box. I've seen it in use, and it's exactly like a console. It may literally be a PC, but it feels like a console, and there's no tinkering."
What you are referring to is "Big Picture Mode" in steam. You can do that from a normal PC also. There's no reason why you can't just install Steam on a PC and plug it into your tv whilst gaming with a regular controller.
But your set of requirements seem so odd that it sounds to me like you'll never find a happy solution. You should maybe just pay someone to come install everything you need on a PC.
