10. Otane (Power Instinct)
It's not often you see an old lady appear in a fighting game, which is a shame. Otane is a grandmotherly figure who not only uses spiritual power in fights, but also her own dentures. That's right, she launches teeth at people. Imagine how hostile she'd get in a nursing home
9. Stryker (Mortal Kombat III)
Let the snickering commence. This "beat cop" is one of the "good guys" in Mortal Kombat III, using weapons such as a nightstick and machine gun in battles against Shao Khan's army. Seriously, though, he's a joke. His fighting style is weak and his outfit looks like something a tennis player would wear on a bad day. Maybe he's trying to be Steven Seagal.
8. Blue Suede Goo (Clay Fighter)
Clay Fighter's got it all -- an opera singer, a taffy man, a ghost with a pumpkin head and a blob of goo known as, well, the Blob. However, it's the Elvis impersonator, Blue Suede Goo, that blows us away. Not only can he launch painful tunes at enemies, but he can also swipe his hair like a samurai blade, cutting them temporarily in half. Best of all, he sings "Hey, watch the hair, man!" while he does it.
7. Alex (Tekken)
We can understand why a kangaroo (Roger) would be in a game like Tekken, but what's up with a velociraptor? Furthermore, why is he wearing boxing gloves instead of using claws to smash enemies? Perhaps he's one of those "weaker" dinosaurs that wanted to be a geologist when he grew up, rather than hunting down his prey.
6. Mr. Game and Watch (Super Smash Bros. Brawl)
Considering that he's nothing more than a shadowy black outline, Mr. Game and Watch does sufficient damage in Smash Bros. Brawl. He has multiple forms, including octopi, a hammer and free-flowing oil. You have to do some work in order to unlock him, but he's certainly worth it.
5. Earthquake (Samurai Showdown)
Our favorite "weird big dude" is none other than Earthquake, a scythe-carrying freak who wears make-up and sports one of the goofiest victory poses ever put into a fighting game. (He grins boyishly and giggles.) On top of that, he grabs opponents and farts on them. This guy never went to charm school
4. Angus McGregor (Kasumi Ninja)
Kasumi Ninja sucks compared to other fighting games, but nowhere else will you find an Scotsman that launches fireballs from beneath his kilt. It sounds like a ridiculous college stunt gone wrong, but we simply can't get enough of it. We should try it around the office and see how nuts we can drive the staff.
3. Voldo (Soul Calibur)
Voldo is... beyond description. He can't see, he can't hear, he can't talk and he's surprisingly bendable. Furthermore, his outfits resemble something you might see in a sex dungeon. Nevertheless, he's effective in battle, thanks to his razor-sharp claws. Just make sure you're out of reach if you ever choose to insult him
2. Dan (Street Fighter Alpha)
Dan was originally conceived as a joke to lampoon SNK fighting characters, with his wanna-be fighting style and his pink gi. If that doesn't throw you off, his "super taunt" -- consisting of five roll-ups and a giddy thumbs-up pose -- certainly will
1. Shaquille O'Neal (Shaq Fu)
Seriously, who else could it be? First he thought he was a rapper, and then he thought he could act in the movie Kazaam. Then someone at EA thought, "Hey, let's give this guy a fighting game!" Bright idea. The result was one of the most poorly realized fighting games ever, with lame controls and an even lamer cast of characters. Shaq stands out worst of all, with his poorly realized electrical shields (why can't he use those on the basketball court?) and his incredibly weak kick attacks. Really, as long as this game exists, he'll never have an edge over Kobe. NEVER.
tag:"reviews only matter for the real hardcore gamer"
