Originality: This is one of the most original experiences I have ever had in a video game. The fact that you don’t speak, don’t know what or who you are (or even what gender) until you randomly see your reflection in a mirror, as well as the fact that the game consists of seemingly random nonsense being spoken out loud by the crazy computer trying to either kill you or feed you cake makes this game insanely unique. The gameplay is like nothing I’ve ever played before. It’s a breathtakingly non-violent game set in an extremely violent world (I’ve heard from my brother in law that it takes place in the same world as half-life, which I’ve heard is very intense). This was a gem.
20/20
Graphics: This 2007 experience has graphical capabilities that make it look beautiful still, to this day, if you’re running it on the right hardware. It’s a gorgeous game (clearly they were able to focus on visuals since the game itself is so short).
10/10
Art Style: I kind of felt this was a blend between Team fortress and something more realistic looking. It wasn’t the most amazing art style I’ve ever seen, but it also was not even close to bad.
10/15
Story: This games story did what, I suspect, it was meant to do. It had me on the “edge of my seat” in anticipation and it made me laugh at various points. The stories obsession with cake was hilarious. That being said, I like a story (even a comical one) to have a purpose and I feel like the execution of that purpose was not done well. I laughed at the end, but then thought about if the portal story wasn’t meant to be played by itself (does one need to play portal 2 or half-life to understand it?). Alas, I may have to revise this review after playing portal 2 and, if I deem half-life to be a playable game (considering my personality, principles, and morals) that game as well. For now, though, this game’s story felt incomplete to me.
22/30
Game Interface: Annoying or not? No problems!
5/5
Controls easy and fluid or difficult and rigid? With a mouse this game had no issues.
5/5
Is it fun? It’s short and to the point. It’s unique charm (and yes, this game is getting charm points) makes it wonderful to play the entire time.
15/15
Total Score: 87/100 + 5 charm points = 92/100
Batman: Arkham City Armored Edition – 100 + 5 = 105
Zelda Skyward Sword-98
Hyrule Warriors – 93 + 5 = 98
Zelda Minish Cap – 92
Assassin’s Creed 4 Wii U – 86 +10 = 96
Portal – 87 + 5 = 92/100
Zelda Oracle of Ages – 91
Metroid Fusion – 91
Mario and Luigi: Bowsers Inside Story – 86 + 5 = 91
Zelda Twilight Princess – 90
Luigi’s Mansion Dark Moon - 90
Guildwars 2 – 89
Mario and Luigi: Dream Team – 89
Animal Crossing New Leaf – 84 + 5 = 89
Pokemon X – 88
Zelda: A Link to the Past – 78 + 10 = 88
Kid Icarus Uprising – 88
Darksiders 2 - 88
Fire Emblem Awakening – 88
Transformers: Rise of the Dark Spark - 84
Paper Mario Sticker Star – 83
Zelda: A Link Between Worlds-83
Super Mario 3d land – 72 + 10 = 82
Batman: Arkham Origins - 81
Trine – 80
Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze* - 68 + 10 = 78
Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D – 74
Rome: Total War-74
Red Alert 3 - 70
New Super Mario Bros. U - 66
New Super Mario Bros.Wii – 57 *
Assassins Creed 3 - 57
Zelda: Four Swords Anniversary Edition – 53*
Kirby Squeak Squad – 43
Donkey Kong Country Returns 3d – 42
* Means it was more fun than the score indicates. Scores judge the overall quality of the game (how fun it is only counts for 15% in my reviews)
