I've been reading the news thats been coming out recently, and looking at the images.
This thing is way oversized. It's really really too big. Michael Leadbetter came out the other day saying it was designed so that it would be ignored, to make it look as unobtrusive as possible. But you really have to wonder how MS actually got to such a place in their board meetings.
Just look at this picture.
That's a gigantic fan on the processor heatsink. Easily a 20mm stock PC case fan.
A hard drive on a plastic rack, and a god-loving full-sized Bluray.
I have fewer questions about what goes into egg salad than what you seen here.
I can't believe I've never bothered looking at this before. I just didn't care enough to wonder why this system is nearly twice the size. And now I see that yes, yes, this was an epic waste of my time.
Leadbetter says the whole thing was designed over years of painstaking work and billions of dollars. I agree, and I think this whole thematic trope is so clearly and dramatically exemplified by one simple component that ties everything up so nicely in a clever wrap and bow. It's Shakespearian in it's ingenuity and as crass as Marquis de Sade.
And that thing, is that fucking thing in the top right, under the harddrive.
It's that fucking loft bed just unassumingly lying there around the grandiose furniture like some kind of S&M fantasy boudoir, specifically designed for one reason alone: to keep that slut of an exchangeable hard drive off the floor so she can keep pretending like she's some kind of noble lady, while she's plugged in shockingly by a big black donger, just, you know, standing in the middle of the room. While she's getting pounded, she glances over lovingly at her Steinway media player. A massive full-sized Blu-ray standing as obscenely as one would when they have a grand piano and more room in a house than they know what to do with.
To the right, a makeup dresser..replete with a full-size mirror surrounded with soft-glowing bulbs circa 1920's burlesque house, foundations, creams, irons, and really anything that a filthy 1-percenter upper class whore would need to get someone, ANYONE, to spend a night on this cheap, plastic, fuck-table. Oh and of course let's not forget the giant fan next to the open window, because well, I dunno I'm out of jokes... but man I used to talk to this one chick and she had a fan in the window (no AC) and man that bitch was thirsty. xbox is thirsty.
This system is fucking obscene. And I don't mean it in a sexual way anymore, I'm done with that previous metaphor, because if that bit above sounded like a smut-piece, it holds hands with a fierce looking pimp who conjures memories of early internet gore-threads, of people accidentally falling off cliffs, or accidentally putting cats in the washing machine. You know, that guy that's going to accidentally cut out your organs for sale the black market if you don't pay Trixie her due.
Here, I'll post it again:
WHAT! 'What the actual fuck?' 'There are no words.' 'I can't even'. There aren't enough white-girl-isms to fully engender the entire concept of this monstrosity.
You know, I have to stop here a second, because I know that there are fans out there and I just want to apologize, at least midway through, for this rant. What I truly hope, is that you just brush me off as some kind of anti-xbox fanboy, or delusional sociopath, and call it a day, and go back to playing your vidya. If you are an xb fan, well, this article mess of thoughts thrown together just isn't meant for you, because you will never understand where I'm coming from.
It's meant to be read by these fans:
And these fans
Literally anyone who is a fan of a well engineered device.
Oh, but I know the excuses. I'm not a complete idiot, as the old lady likes to say.
"It's for heat regulation."
Heat regulation? It has the largest fan out of all the consoles, the largest heatsink and the largest free space inside, and doesn't even include the fucking power supply! Some people say,-
"it's because x360 had so many heating problems that they are doing their best to avoid them this time around".
These designers aren't you're classmates in grade-school who made super sure to mark all their answers correctly by overfilling the circles with no.2 graphite. These are professional engineers with years and years of experience....probably more years of experience than the aforementioned pre-pubes have even been alive.
That right there....
wait, I'll post it again to refresh your memory:
That is a fucking travesty.
Leadbetter talks about design, but there is no design. That's not design. Really, the only piece of design on this entire thing is the part right at the front foundation of the console. I'm talking about that slant inward, which is a design feature to make the size of the actual console look smaller from certain angles. Lots of electronics companies do that though, so it's not some kind of engineering genius on Leadbetter's part.
I sense a big hairy 'but' about to rear it's ugly head:
There is one thing MS is absolutely genius at over at redmond headquarters. They know how fucking gullible their consumers are, and they know how to work those buttons like a phoneboard operator.
The reason this system is genius, is because of one thing...well two things if you want to get technical.
All the parts in this system are as cheap as possible. Full sized BR, large heatsink and fan, no actual hard drive tray, standard uncovered motherboard, everything on plastic rims. It's as basic-bitch as you can get, and it's likely saved them a lot of money in the long run, because that stuff in the ps4, that stuff that makes everything small and run cool and all that? That costs money.
But the genius, the quantum genius part of this design is that this system, wait for it-
IS DESIGNED TO BE GARBAGE.
That's the big secret. It's designed to be inefficient and massive. It's epic. It's genius. Standing ovation.
But malstrom scrambles, why would they do that? That seems counter-intuitive, and they probably lost sales because of it.
To which I reply, no, you and are a idiot, because you aren't thinking outside the xbox, which clearly, Leadbetter is.
This 'isn't' the xb1. The real xb1 is going to be released say mid late 2015. The real xb1 that has the billions of $'s of design invested into it.
The "slimline" xbox one.
Nobody isn't going to buy an xb1 because of its size. That's ridiculous. Within the first year, at this point in time, your biggest customers are going to be the nerds. The hardcore gamers. the first-day-ers (whom are still busy trying to purchase up the remaining day one editions still on shelves). The fanboys. Those are the people who buy, and they won't care about the size. If anything, the size WARRANTS the 499$ 399$ 379$ 329$ price tag, because it's big and that means expensive.
When the MS re-introduce the slimline xb1, it's going to be ps4 sized, and it's RUMORED to have better components.
It's going to be as praised as the virgin mary, and all this current doom is going to be swept under the rug, and talked away. 'Oh I don't mind at all, the xbfat has some performance features that I like better, and some that aren't as good. They're both about the same, but I think when it reaches xxx$, I'll just go buy the slim, which supposedly is outperforming ps4 on several games according to digital foundry"
That is the exact post of 'moneyshooter223' on August 12th, 2015. Yes, yes, I admit, I am not smart. I am merely from the future.
And with that, I'm done, so to your all I bid a warm jeffer's morning, and good luck.