But there is like a 95% chance she won't come..  Social gatherings are ok but really unreliable.. Its like me going to Schotland believing i will see my true love Trashleg... Create oppertunities you can control.. You have been in contact with her for months.. Text her for the happy hour and write a line like: "if you're not going we should grab some lunch next week at school" Bam! Doubled the chance with a small sentence.. And if she is going ask her if she still wants to for lunch next week..

You almost got this you just need to learn how a small change in words can create a better opportunity for you..

What's gonna happen if it happens in front of people? People are gonna talk? make fun of it? laugh? 

Seriously, what's gonna happen if she rejects you in front of people? 

I don't get it. 

Please expand.

Yes, people are going to talk, and you frankly don't need that. It's a fairly small graduate school, after all.

Didn't see her at all today, though i was detained out of sight by my on-campus job.

It makes sense now. I am about to give you a piece of advice.  I'll have to apologize for my OP first. It was out of line and I wouldn't hold it against you if you moderate me for it. 

My advice? Fuck the people. They will always look for something to talk about. FUCK THEM ALL, especially when it's something as meaningless as getting rejected.

So what if for the next few months you get be labled as the guy who got rejected by a girl? That's meaningless and a usual event in life. Getting rejected isn't shaming. You need a new perspective here.

You are so focused on NOT getting publicly shamed by getting rejected that you resorted to CREEPY behaviours. You'd rather be a creep and a stalker than be the rejectee? I am sure you don't but you are ok with it in this case because it's protecting you (and that's just in your head) from what people may say. And what you are doing is stalking dude. Just saying IT'S NOT STALKING doesn't make it so.

Being afraid of what people might say is a huge turn off on both... men and women. In the end, it will you and get nowhere. Just like you are getting nowhere with this girl.

It's gonna be hard at first to let go of the fear of being talked about. But if keep in my mind that people are always gonna talk, it will be easier to for you to ignore. Consider this scenario:

Right now your dream girl is talking about you to her close friends, saying stuff like: "I don't understand this guy, is he trying to get closer? or he is just being nice? Why is he doing all these random stuff? it's been months! Is he interested? Is he that afraid of asking me out? It can't be, no one is that afraid, and if he is afraid, then that's a huge turn off. Or You know what? I just think he is not interested and he is just being nice to everyone, me included".  

5 months later or god knows when the stars align for you to ask her out she is gonna go "Oh, so he wasn't being nice to everyone, he is interested but he is too shy to ask me out. No thanks, I need someone who is decisive, someone with an edge, and it's not Mr Khan"

See? People talked after all. I'd rather be the one who got rejected (which means nothing in the real world) than be the abusively shy person who puts something as meaningless as people's opinions in front of what he wants.

Thanks for the apology

The part you may have missed (don't know how much of this behemoth you've read) is that i did ask her out, successfully, for coffee back before Thanksgiving, and then the final exam rush started so i did little more than text her, then Christmas break where i wanted to take a step back to relax, so now i'm just kind of in reset mode, except with the key advantage of having her number from the get-go.

As i told NiKKoM above, the near-term plan is to try to see her in person today or tomorrow, if not remind her of the happy hour tomorrow night (or, as he said, use that ask as a means to get a conversation going).

Goal for the medium term is to get her to be my date to the formal Spring Gala my school hosts in April, an event i have to go to in any case because it's run by student government...

Made contact, avoiding the question of old exams and discussing holidays, present classes, and what else she's doing this semester. Discussed Friday and got a "maybe", as apparently she has a friend from Texas in town (which she commented it was an unfortunate week for it, since it's 5 degrees before windchill out there right now, despite the sunshine), which she may bring in or not.

Relevant is that she has a second job now, on top of the one from school. Getting her out this time around will be an acid test of whether she's truly interested in me, since time is at more of a premium on her end.

Man.. I feel like reading a Nicholas Sparks novel.. Your goal is Spring Gala Formal in April.. Thats actually quite adorable romantic in a non sarcastic way.. I applaud you for not having the mindset like Kirby's and mine..

Anyway.. april is quite the gap to bridge.. Her having a second Job and time constrain isn't a problem.. It only means you have to give her options.. Don't stop asking her for lunch.. But write it in a way that there options for her to choose from.. "Wanna grab lunch next week? I'm available thursday, wednesday and friday"

And if she says wednesday, friday and saturday i'm working.. We'll be creeps for knowing her workschedule...

You know what would be glorious, if she would actually see this thread if it ends up working

EDIT: id feel like telling about my lastest run-in with a cougar but that would wouldn't really be on topic or nsfw

Btw.. The "maybe" means no...

All men say "Aye" who have been there and agree

aye