The Romantic Advice Thread

[Mr Khan]

LurkerJ said:

Mr Khan said:

 

Yes, people are going to talk, and you frankly don't need that. It's a fairly small graduate school, after all.

Didn't see her at all today, though i was detained out of sight by my on-campus job.

It makes sense now. I am about to give you a piece of advice.  I'll have to apologize for my OP first. It was out of line and I wouldn't hold it against you if you moderate me for it. 

My advice? Fuck the people. They will always look for something to talk about. FUCK THEM ALL, especially when it's something as meaningless as getting rejected.

So what if for the next few months you get be labled as the guy who got rejected by a girl? That's meaningless and a usual event in life. Getting rejected isn't shaming. You need a new perspective here.

You are so focused on NOT getting publicly shamed by getting rejected that you resorted to CREEPY behaviours. You'd rather be a creep and a stalker than be the rejectee? I am sure you don't but you are ok with it in this case because it's protecting you (and that's just in your head) from what people may say. And what you are doing is stalking dude. Just saying IT'S NOT STALKING doesn't make it so.

Being afraid of what people might say is a huge turn off on both... men and women. In the end, it will you and get nowhere. Just like you are getting nowhere with this girl.

It's gonna be hard at first to let go of the fear of being talked about. But if keep in my mind that people are always gonna talk, it will be easier to for you to ignore. Consider this scenario:

Right now your dream girl is talking about you to her close friends, saying stuff like: "I don't understand this guy, is he trying to get closer? or he is just being nice? Why is he doing all these random stuff? it's been months! Is he interested? Is he that afraid of asking me out? It can't be, no one is that afraid, and if he is afraid, then that's a huge turn off. Or You know what? I just think he is not interested and he is just being nice to everyone, me included".  

5 months later or god knows when the stars align for you to ask her out she is gonna go "Oh, so he wasn't being nice to everyone, he is interested but he is too shy to ask me out. No thanks, I need someone who is decisive, someone with an edge, and it's not Mr Khan"

See? People talked after all. I'd rather be the one who got rejected (which means nothing in the real world) than be the abusively shy person who puts something as meaningless as people's opinions in front of what he wants.

Thanks for the apology

The part you may have missed (don't know how much of this behemoth you've read) is that i did ask her out, successfully, for coffee back before Thanksgiving, and then the final exam rush started so i did little more than text her, then Christmas break where i wanted to take a step back to relax, so now i'm just kind of in reset mode, except with the key advantage of having her number from the get-go.

As i told NiKKoM above, the near-term plan is to try to see her in person today or tomorrow, if not remind her of the happy hour tomorrow night (or, as he said, use that ask as a means to get a conversation going).

Goal for the medium term is to get her to be my date to the formal Spring Gala my school hosts in April, an event i have to go to in any case because it's run by student government...