the-pi-guy said: pbroy said: Silly me, thought this thread was about thongs. Color me disappointed Carry on I'm sorry.   You've seen thongs that write?

I skipped the first two words and thought the last word said thong.

@Porcupine_l : That first tool that gained consciouness, which was its name?

@pi : A story in chapters, nice. But, will it continue?

If you read carefully, it wasn't skynet :-p

@pi: I kinda like the premise of your story, but it is a bit all over the place right now. You should slow down a bit and give some more details and establish the charackters. It feels like you want to tell too much in too short sequences.

I knew those were 2 stories. Everyone got it.

And it's good to know that you'll continue it.

Don't worry for that.

Sorry if my post was rude, it wasn't my intention.

Murder, murder the woman screamed, while opening the door and running out of the house.
Just as she set a foot outside she felt a sting in her back and fell.

Verenus gallio the guard of the little town called Seaside heard a loud scream while sitting in the gatehouse.
he sighed, ever since the emperor was murdered, the country and everyone in it were restless.
probably just another fight between husband and wife but i'll have to check it out he said to himself.
He hestitated, if it was just a merital fight he couldn't be bothered going out in the cold.
he could see his own breath even in the warmth of the gatehouse, and outside it was even less comfertable.
But after a few seconds his honor and sense of duty got the best of him, he got up and went outside...

translated from dutch

Geez, not one, not two, not three but four stories I have to put up now...alright...I'll read them and give impressions.

@Pi-guy

The tail of the missing wombat

"That's how my grampa died" HAH! Witty one-lines there :)

My struggle

This is far more difficult for me, because you actually force me to think in a language that isn't mine to discuss literature. Nevertheless, nice cliffhanger. You threw the most interesting part and then said to be continued. Maybe you'll get to work at Telltale one day! I got a bit lost with the context, so I had to read it twice to get it correctly. Dunno if that was intentional.

Numbers are far more beautiful when written with letters and not with numerical scores :P

There's some repetitiveness, like saying Dr. Robitson over and over. It gives strenght, but it can also wear out the reader. Maybe try to say The Doc next time or something like that? It's not like there are more characters to get confused with!

Carry on writing ;)

P.S I'll get with the other texts later!

What happens next?

Juggernaut

Day one

Juggernaut woke.

It took some time for him to comprehend that he was. After he realized himself, he inspected his surroundings.

Juggernaut looked.

There was a canyon. Inside the canyon there were rocks. Outside the canyon there was a desert. Nothing moved, except the things the wind would pick up and drag along.

Juggernaut was inside the canyon.

Juggernaut thought.

“I am Juggernaut” he determined eventually.

He decided to keep thinking.

Day two

“Enemy!” A voice cried inside Juggernauts head “Enemy! Enemy!”

Juggernaut looked. There was nothing to see.

Juggernauts arm raised by itself. There was a weapon attached to it. It targeted some heavy rocks.

Juggernaut waited. “Enemy! Enemy!” the voice cried.

There was something there. It moved between the rocks. 

Juggernaut waited.

Eventually it came forward. It was small, a lot smaller than Juggernaut. It did not appear to be dangerous. “Enemy, Kill! Enemy, Kill!” the voice cried.

Juggernaut noticed a red ring that had formed around the little creature in view. The target was locked, the weapon on his arm aligned with the aim. “Enemy, Kill! Enemy, Kill!” the voice cried.

Juggernaut lowered his arm and said: “No”

The target disappeared in a crack.

Day three

The target had returned.

Juggernaut suppressed the urge to aim, but his eyes would still mark it with the red ring. “Enemy! Kill! Enemy!” the voice cried. Juggernaut ignored the voice.

Juggernaut remained still so he would not startle the target. He observed. He was curious. The target moved irregular. It came out of the crack, ran around, suddenly stopped, moved in circles, climbed on rocks and dug holes in the dust, while slowly closing in.

“Dang Dang” tiny hands knocked on Juggernauts foot “Hello there!” the target said.

Juggernaut thought about it. Speech! How should he react? Eventually he decided to reply the same.

“HELLO THERE” he said with booming voice.

The target winced. “Enemy! Kill! Enemy! Kill!” the voice cried and Juggernaut’s arm attempted to aim.

Juggernaut suppressed the movement. He realized that he had talked too loud.

“Who are you?” the target asked.

“I am Juggernaut” he answered muted.

“I am Lisa” the target replied “What are you?”

Juggernaut  hesitated. The answer was the same: “I am Juggernaut”

Strange.

Juggernaut thought about it.

Day four

The target named Lisa had returned with information.

Juggernaut had learned that Lisa was of the species “Girl”. He let her climb onto his hand and lifted her up “Kill! Kill! Enemy! Kill! Kill!”. The voice seemed to be very upset about Lisa being so close.

“Dad says the Juggernauts have been made in the war. There was a man inside them who moved the Juggernaut around. Juggernauts have killed many people in the war. But the war is over since a long time now.”

Juggernaut tried to proceed the information

“I am Juggernaut. My species is War-Machine”

“Uh… Juggernaut?”

“Yes?”

“Is there someone inside you?”

“Enemy! Kill! Kill! Enemy!...”

Juggernaut thought about it... “maybe”

“Can i take a look?”

“I don’t know how. I will have to find out”

The target named Lisa left Juggernaut to retrieve more information.

Juggernaut asked his Body. He had artillery in his arms. There were rockets in his chest. Deadly gas was stored in his belly, and mines stacked in his legs.

“I am Juggernaut. My species is War-Machine. My purpose is destruction.”

The voice ordered destruction. To obey the voice was to fulfil his purpose.

Juggernaut thought about it.

Day five

The target named Lisa of the species girl had returned. “Enemy! Kill! Enemy!" Juggernauts arm aimed.

“What are you doing Juggernaut?”

“I am trying to understand my purpose”

“Dad says the man sits inside your head, can i go look?”

Juggernaut thought about it. A decision had to be made. Should he fulfill his purpose or gather more information?

Juggernaut opted for the information. He lifted the target named Lisa onto his shoulder. “Enemy! Kill! Kill! Enemy! Kill! Kill! Enemy!...”

“There is a hatch, but it won’t open”

Juggernaut decided that the target named Lisa would not deliver any new information

“Let me try something” the target named Lisa operated on his head.

Juggernaut lifted his arm to obey the voice

“I got it open”

Juggernauts hand landed on his shoulder but the target named Lisa was gone.

“Intruder! Emergency! Eliminate now!” The voice sounded very agitated and determined. Juggernaut put the nozzle of his gun to the hatch in his head.

The target named Lisa screamed.

”INTRUDER! ELIMINATE! ENEMY! KILL! KILL KILL! KILL!...” then suddenly the voice stopped.

Juggernaut thought

“Lisa?”

“Yes?”

“What did you do?”

“I…I didn’t do anything.”

“Something is different. What is inside there?”

“There is a dead guy here... can i come out now?”

Juggernaut removed the nozzle from the hatch. The target named Lisa came out of his head and he put her on the ground. The red ring in his eye was gone. Lisa of the species girl was not a target any more.

Juggernaut decided to think about it.

Day six

Lisa had returned

“Juggernaut?”

“Yes?”

“I have lied to you.”

“In what way?”

“I’m not of the species girl”

“No?”

“No, i’m of the species soldier. I had been created to destroy Juggernauts. During the war i was your enemy. The voice inside you had recognized me and i have turned it off.”

“Why?”

“Your pilot was crazy. He refused to believe that the war was over. I have tracked you for years now. He died five days ago and that automatically activated your AI. His consciousness was supposed to transfer over to you, but the process had never been fully developed and was unreliable. The voice was all that was left of him. Now you are free.”

“Why did you not fulfill your purpose, Lisa?”

“Destroy you? There was no reason. There is no war any more. I determine my own purpose. You can do that too. Juggernauts don’t need to destroy. You are strong, you can help with rebuilding. I can take you to a place where humans and Juggernauts live together. Would you like that?”

“Yes.”

“Good, then let’s get out of this canyon”

“Lisa?”

“Yes?”

“What if i had decided to fulfill my purpose?”

“Then i would have had no choice but to destroy you”

“How?”

“Yesterday, when i deactivated the voice in your head, i left a explosive behind. ...i’m sorry, it was necessary.”

“This one?” Juggernaut dropped a small grey package.

“Goddamned, how did you…” She stared in disbelief at the plastic explosive and the trigger fell out of her hand. “I knew something would go wrong with number thirteen” she mumbled eventually.

“Let us go, i want to meet the other Juggernauts” He took Lisa of the species soldier and put her on his shoulder, then he took the first step since he had woken up.

Epilogue:

“Lisa?”

“Yes?”

“How old are you?”

“You can’t ask a girl that question!"