It sounds like you have a combination of anxiety and depression possibly caused in large part by the previous job you had and your current situation. Your best bet is to try to tackle the issues you have and find solutions whether they are skill based in terms of performing relaxation exercies or counseling based to allow you to talk through things or medication based or even a combination of all 3. Im talking to you here out of experience, god I had a workplace from hell and I still haven't fully recovered from it! I suggest you hop to it because the longer you leave it the harder it will become. I wish I had someone tell me to go seek help 5 years ago!  

If you still enjoy programming there are places out there which do have a good work/life balance. You just have to go and look for them. Www.glassdoor.com is a pretty great place to gain insight into the work conditions before you even consider applying for a position. Take heart in the fact that you're a girl. A lot of places may not be hiring men but they may want to even up the typical gender inbalance in the field if they find the right candidate.

Most people are nicer than their online personas. Considering what I have seen thus far of you and the way you convey yourself here not in your content but how you present yourself in general moreso you're a particularly nice and worthwhile person. However you have to believe this too. One of the biggest barriers to getting help is a belief that you're not worthwhile to recieve or even ask for help. However once you get help that barrier doesn't exist. You may have a mental illness so you may have to do things inspite of what you feel inside.

<3

time to play lotsaaa gameees

yeah i have friends an i have had this conversation out before i though it would be better to go for something simple after what happened, because i literraly lost who i was after i left my programming job (it sounds sad i know), i lost all my confidence and passion and basically even my love for programming has dwindled into nothingness, i really don't even understand it.

so far i have tried a training course which renewed my confidence in myself as a person, but alot of the things i used to be able to do are simply missing now, i just don't know where to start, and i dare not do my Bsc in computing, because honestly i feel like my skills are not good enough anymore

maybe i should see a psychiatrist lol, it's something i am sure i will not understand by myself

that keeps me happy lol, but i need money to get games, and i really wanna work and find my place

The skills aren't missing. They are still there within you but it is your mental state which prevents you from being able to use them. I used to think that I had a sucky sense of direction and that I couldn't find my way out of a wet paper bag. Nowadays after I dealt with a few things my friends say I have an amazing sense of direction even in places and cities I have never been before whereas before I would get lost driving across a 140,000 size city I had lived in almost all my life.

It's funny, you could be doing the hardest job in the world, and doing it well, but then switch to something you protray as easy and fail, but hey, everything requires a knack! Don't beat yourself up about it.

Why did you leave programming?

thanks i think a part of me knows that is true, maybe why that's the reason i am unhappy, oh well like ppl say life is full of ups and downs lol

now to try and sort it all out, where to start does anyone know anyway i can do a quick refesh on my skills so i atleast feel ready to go, i was up to Hnd level so bare this in mind thankyou

She learned she was a gay male trapped in a womans body. JK

She listed it above, she had a terrible place to work.

Do something different from what you are used to, i personally stay away from people when i feel down not get closer, do something to pleasure yourself, and only yourself, forget about everything and everyone and take a long drive to somewhere you never being to before.

like i said they like to treat us all like ****, and everyone always backstabbed everybody else to get one up on each other, i just felt it was not necessary, and if we worked as a team we could have done so much better and been far much happier, which is why i left.