Legend... I've been almost exactly where you are...at least twice.

First off...I was single for six years. I understand what you mean about people starting to think something and what it must do to your dating self esteem.

So the first girl was actually a roommate. I crushed her for two years and then I popped the question right as I was about to go away for the Summer. She said "Oh" and when I came back she was dating a guy she would eventually marry and have two kids with. Turns out she knew the whole time and dreaded me bringing it up.

The second girl was a girl I worked with. This one hurts. The first girl I started liking mostly because I asked myself if I could like a girl that was unattractive just because she was smart. Somehow just asking the question gave me a challenge and I instantly fell in love with her (Soul Mates, like you said). This girl, however, was just adorable. I didn't want to say anything both because she had a boyfriend for eight years, and I was her manager. I didn't end up saying anything until I decided to finish my 4-year studies in another place.

So I told her I was leaving and she was a little beat up about it. Kind of as a joke I told her she should come with me...and her response..."Where would we stay?" She didn't laugh or make a joke. She didn't look at me like I was a creep; she was genuinely interested. We ended up fooling around before I left, but I don't think I gave her enough time to make that kind of life altering decision. Needless to say, she didn't come with me and it took me about 2 more years to get over her as she teased my heart from over 500 miles away with threats and promises that she would come down to see me.

The worst part about that story...she was part of the reason I left. I was worried about saying something and everything being uncomfortable between the two of us. If I had just had teh courage to say something and not worry about the consequences, who knows what would have happened.

On a brighter note, however, I ended up meeting another girl who I didn't crush or stalk, depending on your definition and we hit it off instantly. We've been together ever since and what's nice about it is that neither of us ever held the other so high on a pedestal as to make the other feel uncomfortable. I think that's part of the problem with unrequited crushes that become requited: the other person will always know that they have something over you and that is just a recipe for bad times; relationships have to be equal...or pretty close to it.

So in a nutshell...tell her soon...tell her direct as everyone else has said....prepare for the worst....and know that you are young and that men age well. What might make you awkward or "dorky" now becomes endearing and admirable as you get older. And there's no such thing as soul mates...trust me.

You gotta tell the truth.

I mean, if you don't, you're a liar, right?

If things don't work, it'll got a lot worse before it gets better, but then when it gets better, which it will, you'll be smarter and emotionally stronger for it.

And you can always sic the VGChartz crew on her. We take care of our own.

Rubang B said: You gotta tell the truth. I mean, if you don't, you're a liar, right? If things don't work, it'll got a lot worse before it gets better, but then when it gets better, which it will, you'll be smarter and emotionally stronger for it. And you can always sic the VGChartz crew on her. We take care of our own.

*readies killer possums*

 

ii already have

epsilon72 said: Rubang B said: You gotta tell the truth. I mean, if you don't, you're a liar, right? If things don't work, it'll got a lot worse before it gets better, but then when it gets better, which it will, you'll be smarter and emotionally stronger for it. And you can always sic the VGChartz crew on her. We take care of our own. *readies killer possums* Â

*casually pulls a spiked club from behind his back* Count me in too. :) Seriously though, as everyone said, be direct. And as desperate as you might be for her, don't act or come of as desperate. Try your best to be confident and mature about, but don't act like you're pressuring her to make or break your life. I'd chat her up a few times to re-establish the lines of communication, then when the moment was right put it all on teh table. In your situation I'd tell her the very reason you have been avoiding her. I'd tell her that I was smitten with her, but respect the fact that she has a boyfriend and that I'm not the kind of guy to break a relationship up. Tell her that is why you've been making yourself scarce, but you felt it was wrong and misleading to just ignore her and such. Now, if at this point in the conversation you're not getting any signs that she is liking what she's hearing...calmly turn around, then hit the door like you stole something. Actually, I'm kidding about the running part, but you should get a decent read of how she feels when you're telling her this. Just lay it out there without going overboard and rambling on. Have an exit plan ready, as things could get akward quick(even if she is interested). If she is into you, she still has to make up her mind about what to do with her old man. So it may take time for her to come to a decision. If she isn't interested, you're a better man for the experience. You'll then know that in your future dealing with women, things could never be as painful as they are for you now. I had my heart curb-stomped by a girl I still care for to this day. When she finally took my soul in her hands and snapped it in two, I surprisingly felt much better when I knew where we stood. The really painful part was being jerked around and left in limbo. It sounds odd, but it's the truth. Face it, be ready for the worst, but be confident that life goes on. You'll never have to dread situations like this again; you've handled it once, you can do it again.

"I'd tell her that I was smitten with her, but respect the fact that she has a boyfriend and that I'm not the kind of guy to break a relationship up."