And they were married?  Well lets say not married but what if they have been going out with the same person for 4-5 years and were almost there...  I met a woman over a year and a half ago and the first time I saw her I kind of had a strange feeling, at first I thought it was just because she's attractive and I'm shy but as I've gotten to know her I realize It's more than just some kind of physical attraction to her, I like everything about her.

I met her at her work place and basically over the months got to know her.  One time there was only her and I there and we talked about everything under the Sun.. Her two children (I was surprised when I found out because she doesn't look like she had any), where she grew up, where she'd like to live, and I told her about where I'd like to live, the kind of work I'd love to be doing, etc.  The last time I ever talked to someone like that was my first girlfriend that I was with for three years and thought I'd marry.

Anyways the last time I saw her as I was leaving I went to pay for something and she stood there in front of me not talking for a few seconds, just looking at me (I'm not even sure why), and I couldn't move, in fact I'm pretty sure I blushed and after a few seconds was able to start breathing again.  It's hard to explain but I felt bad afterwards since I didn't really want her to know how I felt about her so things wouldn't get weird between us.  Since then I've been kind of avoiding her and the place she works at.

I've tried to go out with two different women on dates (I've been single for quite awhile, actually more than 5 years) and it went badly with the both of them.  All the time I was with them all I could think about was her.  In fact several people have tried to set me up on dates (one guy with his sister which I took at a compliment) but I've turned them down because I know it will just be the same thing.  I think people are actually starting to wonder what's up with me and why I'm not dating.

Sorry for the long post I just never liked someone for this long and especially with such strong feelings :(  I'm almost tempted to even move but I have the feeling if I did it still wouldn't change anything :(  I have no idea how to get her out of my system, I started going to the gym about 5 months ago, got involved in different activities, etc, and nothing works.  Even the few girls that flirt with me I don't bother flirting back with anymore since I don't get the same feelings from them.

P,S. I'll probably regret posting this.

Well, you should be honest with her... If you don't you'll always regret not doing so. You are already avoiding her anyway, so why not tell her? If you crash and burn you were already avoiding her anyway. Also, if she blows you out of the water -- and I seriously doubt she will, at least you will have some kind of closure. Leaving it hanging out there is the worst thing you can do...

A lot of people continue to date for a long time... never really meaning to get married but just because it is convenient... I dated a girl for about 2.5 years knowing full well in the back of my mind we'd never get married... but it was convenient... 4-5 years without getting married? Something's not right there.... she just needs the smallest push...

arg.  double post.

It's a funny thing when you meet your soul mate. Here's advice coming from a complete stranger : you may never have this kind of feeling again. You want her out of you? That's the worst thing that you can do in this situation. Go talk to her. And be thruthful. Then you'll have your longed for catharsis.

Alanis Morisette FTW!

"It's like meeting the man of your dreams
and the meeting his beautiful wife..."

-Alanis Morisette, "Ironic"

Um, the best advice, just lay it on the line and say something. Even if you get a no at least you know what's up. It's better then wondering for the rest of your life, and believe me it will pop into your head periodically, even if the answer is not what you want closure is a great thing.

I had a fairly similar situation where I felt like i loved the girl and she told me she loved me and well I found out second hand she decided to date some other dude. I called her up let it all out and then when she said no, I just walked away. I wasn't happy with it but I was okay with it because at least I was certain.

cdude1034: I wouldn't call it ironic, just an unfortunate event. In fact, I don't remember hearing a single instance of irony in that entier song.. She's an idiot!

Main Entry: iro·ny

Etymology: Latin ironia, from Greek eirOnia, from eirOn dissembler
1 : a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning -- called also Socratic irony
2 a : the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning b : a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony c : an ironic expression or utterance
3 a (1) : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2) : an event or result marked by such incongruity b : incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play -- called also dramatic irony, tragic irony

It might be a good idea to tell her how you feel. I agree with kn. (and everyone else who posted before I refreshed the window)

Heh. I'm a typical sucker for romance when i think about it. There are like 3 girls right now that are equally special to me. Each one so different from the rest and each has that little special something that i just can't ignore. Now just how do you explain to all of them that you want a square relationship XD?

I think you guys are right but I don't want to put her on the spot or get in her face so I might just go sometime as usual and leave a few hints. If she's not interested it's still good because it'll hopefully allow me to move on because this is getting to be pretty bad for me :(  I just hate doing that when she has a boyfriend because I never want anyone doing that to a girlfriend of mine, I'd think the guy was a scumbag :(

You kinda have to be direct. Hints seem to almost never work. Believe it or not people can be quite oblivious to those things. Also many times when your in a situation like this, the hints you think your sending out also tend to be less direct then you think they are because of your own hesitance to do it directly and somewhat hoping they don't find out.

As for feeling like a scumbag. Yeah it would suck and the guy might get upset, but it's not like it really is a scumbag move.

Sure if you just wanted to sleep with her or something it would be a scumbag move, but in this kind of circumstance it's completly understandable (or would be for the guy down the line.)

I mean seriously what are you supposed to do, just be depressed and lonely the rest of your life with no resolution? Anyone can understand that eventually i'd think.

Besides, if she leaves him after 4 years, I think it'd be a sign that it wasn't going to work out anyway.