Alright, work was long, so I decided to go into Wal-Mart afterwards, since I am 1) Dirty 2) Shameless and 3) Supporting the fall of small businesses everywhere. Anyhow, upon entering the electronics section, I heard a small child cheer "Look mom! Ninja Bread Man!". And, being the amazingly suggestible person that I am, decided it would be fun to buy it. Total cost after Tax: $20.03. Now, I'm a 23 year old male, and there was no way I could keep my dignity by buying this game, even the clerk who clearly didn't know a thing about video games was judging me. Sadly, I missed an opportunity to ham it up and look even more rediculous, I merely bought the game and left.

Anyhow, time passed, came home, and I struggled to force myself to play. And then, I actually played it. Oh my. Let me start on the good portions of this game:

The charecter: Though simplistic, it's actually fairly smoothly animated, and the backgrounds and music, all candy related, remind me of Kirby's Dream course.

The Camera: Has a nice feature: Tap down on the D-Pad, it instantly, no transition, goes to the view behind your head. Now of this slow

And now, the bad:

The Controls: Wave your wii-mote to swing the sword: Done. Cept.. you can't move while swinging your sword. Your Ninja is apparently chewing gum while swinging his sword.

The Jump: Jerk the Nunchuk upwards to jump. Do it twice in succession to double jump. Now, you will jump a lot in this game. And you will hate it. Your wrist will get sore. You will squeeze the nunchuk in annoyance! Then you will realize that they mapped it to the Z button as well. Oh, much better. Well, still annoying, but at least doable now.

There is no text in the game. None.

The levels: This game really is an adventure game. Granted, the first level consists of 5 rooms nearly identical, and your job is to find weird glowing blue things. Seeing as there's an arrow in the bottom right corner of the screen telling you where to go, it sounds simple. Unfortunately, that arrow doesn't tell you where the closest one is, just the next one it wants you to get. You can pick them up in any order, but the game appears to like jerking you around. Say, you're driving to Mexico, and want to stop in California. This game would send you to the Panama Canal first, then back to California, only to end at Rosario beach, then back to your start point.

After beating the levels, you get options to play it again, in time attack, secret item, and some mode I forgot instantly. I only tried Secret item, where you now find 20 Candy canes that aren't given arrows pointing to them. I stopped after about 10. Particularily after jumping through one 4 times in a row. The game found out I was diabetic and was trying to help I guess.

Now, this is kinda excusable, simple controls, kids game stuff. You kill an enemy, he drops a heart, it heals you. perplexingly, you start with 5/10 HP in each level. When you reach 10 HP, the game punishes you by sending you back to 5 hearts. Well, it gives you another life, but seeing as you lose everything you collected when you die and are sent back to a checkpoint with 5 HP, I'd rather just have the 10 hearts.

But wait, this is a simple children's game! The enemies are cupcakes trying to eat you! Yes, but see, since you can't move when you swing your sword, timing is everything. Perplexingly, after you get hit, during your flashing animation, your enemies are invincible. They are also invicible when they are attacking you, or when their back is turned to you. Oddly, when your back is turned and you attack, they will get hit. Which is sadly more accurate than trying to swing with them in front of you.

Levels are simply designed, but shockingly hard. Controls have their good points and their amazingly bad points. Enemies are more random than a 13 year old given acid and cocaine for the first time. The Ninjabread man though, he controls like a gingerbread man would I suppose. Hey, if that was a defence for lair, it'll fly here!

After 90 minutes of painful play, I give it a 2/10. I only beat 2 levels, and not sure exactly how many there are. Maybe someday, I'll play them all and retract this review.

ouch...just ouch. Have you seen how many games that studio is making? Why couldn't they just spend a little more money and make one good game?

Interesting read.

Making? These are all ported PS2 games that only came out in Europe.

Also, I bought Ninja Bread Man, and it lived up to my surprisingly low expectations.

Fuzzmosis, here was your mistake

"I only beat 2 levels, and not sure exactly how many there are."

Because the third level was FREAKING AWESOME -- wait no, no it wasn't

I did play the third level. After dying because you strangely follow your momentum after landing in a damage pit and being unable to regain control... twice... I needed a break.

If I wasn't so tired, I probably would have said more things.

I'll swing by gamestop and try to get a good deal on a used copy, or ebay.

Haha that's hilarious.

I occassionally want to go rent or buy a really cheap really bad game just for the experience like that. Like watching a B movie, it's just humorous.

What sucks is when I spend $50 on the game and that happens, heh.  (Happened a lot on the PS2 before I figured out what game review sites were. :p )

Wonderful review, i hope you do more in the future Shame about there being no text, i was hoping for some cool jokes like "It's crunchtime cupcake" or "You're cooked"

Well... at least the cover art has some campy humour value?