Hello forum goers, today I will be looking at and analyzing the most popular article writers in the world, Rolstoppable and Jim Sterling.
Of course, we all know that Jim Sterling is a better writer, but in order to finally put the discussion to rest, it is necessary to run through the facts one last time. Throughout this thread you will read about these two masters of satire, and who knows what will happen. My money is on Jim Serling.
Preliminary Round: Vital Statistics
Better name: Jim
Jim Sterling, has well, Jim in it. Jim, James,Jimmy, Jimbo, or Jiminy; whatever his real name is, it is one of the best names ever created. In fact it's also the first name of Captain Kirk. Sterling, his last name is often attached to the word silver, and silver means number 2. Even so, that doesn't mean he is number 2 in this contest, because Rol isn't any kind of valuable metal.
Rolstoppable has no name. But he is from austria, so it is probably unspeakable. Some have said it is Roland. If that is the case, Jim easily wins because Roland is most closely associated with MIDI music from the 90's, which existed mostly to confuse old floppy disc gamers when it came time to set up their sound cards during installation of games like monkey island.
Better looks: Rolstoppable
Well, Jim is a genius. He's the voice of a generation. Unfortunately, he's on the very fat side. This is probably because he makes a lot of money and eats a lot. Plus, Jim has better expressions. He often looks very smug and happy, probably because he is so loved and adored. He also gets paid to do what he loves, and that is trashing rival consoles on the internet with little to no reasoning.
Nobody has ever seen Rol. One thing is for sure, he's probably aryan, which is an instant win.
Writing style: Jim
This category is easily won by Jim Sterling, so I'll try not to even mention Rol. You see Jim uses satire, which means that he is mimicking other people in a comedic manner. When he trashes sony, he is actually making fun of people who trash Sony. That is what is particularly funny, because it's not just the mediocre "sarcasm" at work. It's sarcasm layered on top of sarcasm. This is at least twice as good as Rol, who only uses sarcasm. Who knows if sarcasm layered upon sarcasm layered upon sarcasm is even possible? If there is, it's got to be cryptic as hell. This means that Jim's satire is the best possible selection when it comes to writing style because even the Bible uses it almost exclusively, which is closer to God ie; perfection.
Viewpoint: Jim
Jim Sterling is in his own category here. He really sticks to his guns and refuses to budge on even the most trivial matters. Just ask Republicans in America (the ruling superelite party) and they will tell you that to win elections, you need to just repeat the same thing over and over again, even when you're wrong. Never badmouth your own side, and last but not least, invent wild accusations in order to throw the opponents off balance. If your opponent is always defending, they don't have any chance to attack, do they? Jim knows his shit. In every article you will notice the words "Riiiidge Racer", which instantly makes all his points valid. Call it a coup de grace, TKO punch, or mario-falls-in-a-pit-music.
Rol. Well, Rol on the other hand doesn't understand this. During E3, Rol said that he was thoroughly unimpressed by Nintendo. Being a Nintendo fan, Rol should never have done this, because it illustrates a weakness. Of course, although he did admit that Nintendo's lineup was the best in show, it was too little too late. Beside that, Rol only makes jokes that fit his argument. Rol has forgotten the first rule of writing. Basically, that if it's funny, it's true, no matter how outlandish the content is. This prevents Rol from making ridiculous threads, and therefore we lose out on a lot of possible jokes. In short, Rol has limits.
Accredidation: Jim
Jim is part of an organization called Destructoid that is known to give factual information. In fact, the site is so logical that everyone agrees with each other and with Jim. In a perfect world there are no dissenters. Jimmy rose through the ranks to do this. He started as just you ordinary forum troll and then auditioned for destructoid, where he became an invaluable poster, in the likeness of Glen Beck. Controversy=hits.
Rol is just a humble forumgoer on vgchartz, the illegitimate spawn of GAF. The owner is some guy who pulls numbers out of a hat in his bedroom. On top of that, VGC would not even be able to function without NPDs weekly top 20 games announcements. This severely discredits Rol and every point he makes. He has also spent a lot of time on IRC where people are slapped by fish constantly. That type of behavior is not what I would call mature or intellectual. Even though his points are logical and he's often very unbiased, because of his affiliation he's obviously wrong about all things.
In closing Rol has often said he would take a bullet for Nintendo. This is a very negative attitude, and frankfully, the last nail in the coffin. The smarter man would shoot everyone else before they even had time to shoot. And like I said before, Jim knows how to be offensive. Frankly, he is offensive, down to his very appearance.
If Rol were to somehow "lap" this godly man, then all that would change, but for now, Jim Sterling is a blatantly better writer than Rolstoppable.
