Ok...
So, I bought the game (retail version). I put the disc in. Nothing happened.

So I checked the box. Says you need a steam account to play. So I register the code on steam. Then it starts some 8 hour download :|

Do I NEED to do this massive download? Cause I'd rather not....

Why doesn't it just install from the disc? Is there even anything on the disc?

Help me ;_;

You could go My Computer -> Explore DVD disc and then select the setup.exe file.

There's no setup.exe >_>

There's an autorun.exe. When I click on that, a black window pops up and then disappears right away. I clicked setup.exe in Run, but it says Windows could not find it ;_;

I hate PC gaming.

;_; sorry, I haven't bought a Steam enabled game before at retail.

Yeah you have to go through with that annoying download the first time you get steam. You have to register first and then download it and update the software.

I had to go through this same annoying process when I bought empire total war. These are the kind of hassles that cause a lot of people to turn to consoles.
Only games I will buy for my PC now will be Blizzard games.

OkeyDokey: There have been some pretty massive updates for L4D, so you have to download those before you can play. Sucks, but at least you don't have to download the entire game.

You do NOT have to download it. You DO have to download the "massive updates", but you DON'T have to download the entire game.

Once you have it enabled in Steam, eject the disc and put it back in. When it pops up with the autorun popup, click "Reinstall" or "Install Again" or whatever. It'll then switch over from download-mode to retail-disc-mode.

From here, it'll install the game FAST, then you have to update it, and then you can finally play.

It IS goofy, but it's not too bad.

Disable your internet before installing. Retail games are also built to run for non internet people. If you don't have the internet if can't do anything but let you play.