Reposted so people hopefully won't click the link and give this site more hits. =P
There are plenty of bad games on the Wii. And there are plenty of games good on other systems that are bad on the Wii. But how many games are there that are only on the Wii that are bad precisely because they're on the Wii? In other words, how many Wii exclusives shouldn't have been on the Wii?
By my count, precisely eight. These are games that would have been much better if they were on some other system. Wii-mote shenanigans do great by some games (anything with "Wario" or "Rabbid" in the title), and some games work much better with a pointing device like the Wii-mote (Zak & Wiki, the Pikmin re-release, and light gun games like House of the Dead: Overkill) . Other great games pretty much ignore Wii gimmickry (Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros. Brawl). But then there are the eight games that are pretty much dead to me because the Wii killed them.
Read about them after the jump.
8) Onslaught
Onslaught is a downloadable shooter available on the Wii Channel. In the early stages, it's easy enough to move using the nunchuk control and to aim using the Wiimote's pointer. But in the more challenging levels, you have to turn around a lot more often, which requires moving your perspective by pushing the pointer all the way to the end of the screen, and then refocusing it on your target. This has been a classic problem with doing shooters on the Nintendo Wii, as opposed to other console systems where the analog stick moves your perspective around a bound aiming point. Speaking of which, why can't I play Onslaught using the classic controller that I can hook up to a Wiimote? Onslaught could have been a wonderfully challenging little shooter about staving off hordes of nasty bugs if you didn't instead have to fight the Wiimote.
7) de Blob
de Blob insists that you jerk the Wii to make your blob jump. Now this wouldn't be such a big deal if jumping were some cute little optional activity, like a Napoleon Dynamite dance emote in an MMO. But it's a crucial part of the gameplay, and the timing is important. There is no reason that jumping couldn't be bound to a button. At least give me an option. Although I loved de Blob, I have no interest in going back to replay and explore some of the awesome levels, because the jumping is always subject the whims of how well I waggled my Wiimote.
6) Wii Fit
The Wii is a great system for a family friendly workout game. Instead, it gets a poorly thought-out gimmick designed around the balance board. Instead of presenting a unified program of cardiovascular exercise, strength training, and yoga, it's a collection of reasons to stand on the overpriced balance board. This isn't a game, or even an exercise program, so much as a support system for an expensive gadget. It's a classic example of Nintendo's fixation on wacky control schemes. Unfortunately, it has paid off in spades, as Wii Fit is a huge commercial success.
5) Animal Crossing: City Folk
This was little more than a barely updated version of Animal Crossing for the Gamecube, a laid back and serene collection game in a town full of cute animals. It had a couple of Wii-mote controls thrown into the mix. But the Gamecube version of Animal Crossing was already perfectly playable considering the Wii's complete backwards compatibility, so City Folk is largely redundant. The developers never would have been able to get away with such a direct re-make if it weren't for the Wii.
4) Elebits
In theory, this was an excellent idea. Hidden around the level are cute little creatures. You have to find them by turning over boxes, rummaging through closets, looking inside vases, and so forth. And you had to be careful not to be too destructive in your search, otherwise you'd fail the level. The game progressed from the confines of a single room all the way out into a suburban neighborhood. The Wii was supposedly the perfect device for interacting with the environment in various ways to search for elusive elebits. But the game was mostly about trying to mindread whoever came up with the controls. You knew you wanted to slide open that drawer. Elebits was all about figuring out how the developers wanted you to do it with the Wii.
3) MadWorld
In this gloriously gory splatterfest, you're literally tearing through waves of enemies to get to the other end of this stylish black-and-white dystopia. But attacks are tied to either waving the Wii horizontally or vertically. Early on, this is no big deal, as the combat is really just a formality. But once you get somewhere around the fifth chapter, where you're fighting ninjas with the ability to block your attacks, suddenly the timing gets a lot more demanding. Now I don't mind silly Wii waggling for fatalities, and MadWorld has plenty of this. But for the core combat mechanics, it effectively kills the game. Attacks in a fighting game are a matter of timing, not wrist flicking precision. This just will not do.
2) Star Wars: Clone Wars
If there's one thing worse than Wii waggling in a game with fighting, it's Wii waggling in a fighting game. Star Wars: Clone Wars, a fighting game, could have been good for some easy-to-play lightsaber melee, sort of a Star Wars flavored gateway fighter to the lastest Soulcalibur or Street Fighter. Instead, you get two people standing in the middle of the living room and spazzing out while random stuff happens onscreen between a pair of cartoon jedi. Get your Wii waggling out of my fighting games!
1) No More Heroes
The same complaints about the other two fighting games apply to this weird little subversive game from the creator of Killer 7. But to make matters worse, here you used a lightsaber with a very finicky battery. Every now and then, the lightsaber battery would run out of juice. To recharge it, you had to shake the Wiimote in much same way Alec Baldwin shakes the Wiimote in this video. As was the case with so many other supposedly funny things in this strange game, the joke's on you.
