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Forums - General - Who speaks German?

Please could you translate this?

http://tt.com/tt/freizeit/story.csp?cid=1843336&sid=55&fid=21



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I took German 16 years ago, when I was a sophomore in high school. As far as I can tell, it says something about Germany, a hat, pantyhose, and Bender being great. I am a little rusty, though.



from what i can gather.....
camilla was drunk fell down some stairs and said they wanted her dead...and there are a number of problems in the marriage.



"I like my steaks how i like my women.  Bloody and all over my face"

"Its like sex, but with a winner!"

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'hat' means 'has' D21 lol

I wont translate it because, well, I can't be bothered to take that much time on one post. But essentailly it states that the duchess of cornwall (parker-bowles) fell through and old stairwell due to being drunk. It also implyed that her marriage to prince Charles is depressing her.

It's 100% unjustified speculation, I'll try and find an english equivalent.