Casual gaming is apon us gentlemen!
After we carelessly let the Nintendogs and the Brain traing pollute our handheld gaming, leaving it in the ghetto we slowly rolled over and let the Nintendo DS ROB US of not only our manhoods but the PSP success of taking handheld gaming to NEXT GEN PORTABLE GAMING.
Now its happening, the decendants of those beastly creations have arisen, starting to crawl away at our way of gaming, the only way, Hardcore. Fear not for I was able to round up the main offenders and get this photo.
These five. They threat our very way of gaming. Well start left from right so you know what to do when you encounter them.
Wiiplay- Nintendo you bastards. Packaging a casual game with a controller.. Casuing not only surge in sales but also in hardware.
How can we stop this one?
INFORM THE PEOPLE. Go to your local gamestore and hand out flyers with Metacritic score sheets. Also point out that they CAN buy the Wiimote on its own not with this, also while your at it, convince them to trade in the Wii for a 360,PS3 or PC and the casual infection will stop RIGHT THERE.
Little Big Planet- Sony betrade use here, they weren't satisified with us Hardcore enough and DARED reach out to casuals.
But this battle is nearly done, we hardcore stood tall and proud and didn't buy this game so the threat is now a dimming fire. It was hard, Metacritic and reviewers betrade us all but WE. PREVAILED. To make sure this doesn't succeded convince others to buy Uncharted, Warhawk or even if your depeserate...Metal Gear Solid 4.
Wiifit- The belly of the beast, the eye of the tiger. This is our main challenge, OUR GOAL. Weve tried all reasoning, metacritic scores, complaining on forums. But now we must take REAL action. Go to your stores, buy every copy of Wii fit and DESTROY them. Nintendo will get the money but people won't be playing them, thus we starve the beast. Convincing others that the Wii balance board can be jumped on also will help out. WE. CAN. DO. THIS.
Peggle- I was panicing when this was shown. The hardest of the hardcore PC gamers were going to be exposed to this FILTH. But we already had a fool proof system to save us from this tyranny.
PC gamers did what they do best. Not buy games. We salute you pirating bastards now because what you did was absolute noble.
Wiisports- Our last milestone, its packaged with every Wii and little girls or old people can't get enough of it. We now know even great gaming nation of Japan betrade us and actually BOUGHT the game instead of working on hardcore gaming and jailbait model magazines. How do we stop this? We show the world its a murder simulator. People already get hurt already so whats stopping little billy from this...
to turning to this
It ENCOURAGES you to do these motions! WE HAVE THE GAMING PRESS ON OUR SIDE WE CAN DO THIS!
So now you'v seen the enemys and know all about, its time Hardcore gamers, its time to truely take the stand and DEFEND GAMING. Before its too late.
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