While I realize that admitting something like this on a video game forum might seem a little strange, if not inappropriate, this has been eating away at me recently and I really don't know where else to turn. On Facebook I imagine things like this would spread like wildfire, which is something that I most certainly wish to avoid, and the people around me are some of the most judgmental pieces of shit that you would ever come across, so as far as they are concerned I'd rather keep this to myself.
Anyway, it all started back in 2002, I think (my memory is a bit fuzzy around those years, so maybe give or take a year or two) which was the first year where the temptations started to get a grip on me. At this point I had already been in a stable relationship for some years (dating back to 1996) and I really couldn't be any happier. It was a perfect match and I can't say I ever felt like we were "missing something", or at least not something of value that couldn't be overlooked. All the essential pieces were there. We had mutual respect for one another and it never felt like one of us were trying to take advantage of the other. Then... my curiosity got the best of me.
It was exiting, at first, as I'm sure you'll hear from anyone who's ever been in my position. We shared new experiences, old experiences from completely new perspectives, many late nights when my parents presumed that I was sleeping (I'm sure I don't need to get into details, you all know what I'm talking about here), and of course, we shared our mutual interests in one another. It felt great, and it did so for years because, like I said, this had been going on since 2002. It was a profitable venture on both ends, so to speak, and it wasn't until many years later that I finally started to feel... used.
The changes began slowly. The most appropriate way to word it would be that things started to get more... bland and repetitive. Almost as if stalemate was to be expected and appreciated. Then all of a sudden I was asked to pay for all kinds of things on a regular basis. "Buy this, buy that." And when I simply refused, the response was basically that "If you won't pay, maybe you should seek some late-night entertainment elsewhere?! Maybe you don't deserve to get the most out of me?!". At this point I was heartbroken. And to make matters even worse, completely out of the blue I was asked if it would be okay to "monitor" (essentially spy) on me as I went about my business in my everyday life! "It's in our best interests! Both of us will benefit from you always being available to me at all times! I want you to be... always on, if you catch my drift."
Needless to say, I felt cheated beyond recognition at this point (yes, yes... very ironic), especially since I had enjoyed every moment of it. I though we had something genuine going on, and perhaps we did, at some point, but it was obvious that mutual interests were no longer governing our relationship when even privacy was considered something that could be compromised. And so, after more than ten years, I finally decided to end it.
2013 was the year I left Microsoft behind and went back to gaming on Nintendo consoles alone, and truly, I couldn't be happier.
