With the rise of smartphones and tablets, it has become increasingly harder for traditional gaming platforms to succeed. Nevertheless, there's still a place for portable consoles in today's market. It just requires the right steps to establish a system and make it viable for a typical five years lifecycle before it is replaced by a successor. Being the helpful person that I am, I compiled a list of ten simple rules to help Nintendo and Sony in their undertakings.

1. Add gimmicks - As everybody knows, nowadays it's impossible to sell anything without gimmicks. In fact, gimmicks are the #1 reason why systems sell. Put something fancy like stereoscopic 3D in your handheld or put a touchpad on the back of your portable console.

2. Advertise anything but your games - It's an urban legend that games sell gaming systems, so focus on people staring at your magnificent device in awe or live action commercials instead of actual gameplay scenes.

3. Charge outrageous prices - If a product doesn't cost enough, it will be perceived to be of low quality.

4. Design your handheld in a clever way - It's important to think ahead. By putting two circle pads on your machine, you would screw yourself out of the option to sell a separate peripheral. Positioning the d-pad and X button very close to your analog sticks (so that it is easy to hit both at the same time) can be advertised as an advanced form of multitasking.

5. Know your target audience - This seems to be self-explanatory, but you would be shocked how many companies get this wrong. If you happen to be Sony and the PSP was the most successful in Japan, then your audience obviously consists mainly of people who love Western games. If you are Nintendo, then the 13-25 years old male age bracket is your main demographic, because that's where you have traditionally done best.

6. Focus on home console-like games for your handheld - Because what better way is there to play and experience epic games? This type of game screams: "Play me on a tiny screen!" Also, extensive loading times give the player time to prepare for the awesomeness. "Yo dawg, I heard you like waiting for the bus, so I put in loading times, so now you can wait while you wait."

7. Battery life can be an afterthought - Because the idea that people use a portable device outside of their own four walls is preposterous.

8. Don't bother to bring your previously biggest series to your new handheld - Gamers want change, not the same old, same old. That's why Call of Duty sales have gone down each and every year. There's no point in having Super Mario Bros. and Pokémon on the 3DS, just like making sure that Monster Hunter and Grand Theft Auto come to the PSV is a waste of everybody's time as well.

9. A solid release schedule isn't necessary in the system's first year - After all, the fabulous gimmicks you put in your handhelds should maintain the momentum just fine and we've already established that people do not buy dedicated gaming platforms to play video games.

10. Throw everything else that made handhelds successful in the past overboard - Because these systems were a fluke and a fad. There's nothing to be learned from them. Emulating them would only lead to failure.

Learn from Gilgamesh.

Seriously, what's so hard to understand? (Not the Gilgamesh part, but my posts.)

You're half serious, half trollish posts. They're hilarious...but I just don't get them. Throw in the fact that you are trolling both SONY and Nintendo and it becomes even more confusing.