I would like it if my career and social situation were in a better place. It could be a lot worse though. I like my life. Sometimes I get into these depressive moods after playing videogames for awhile and don't feel like gaming anymore (though I find it helps to switch to something else like movies, tv, books, anime, etc. if gaming isn't doing it for me).

Recently (while in that depressive gaming funk) this attractive girl thought I was good looking. But then the moment I found out through an outside source that she was very sexual, I acted like a blithering idiot around her, I probably came on too strong and I suspect I turned her off completely now. lol. I was so upset with myself about what happened that I told her that I was acting like an idiot because I'm really shy and I do that sometimes without thinking when I'm really shy. After talking to her, I had hit myself for admitting that to her. But that was pretty much the only thing I could think of to try to clean up my mess. lol. She's pretty shy herself (I was shocked when I heard about her sexual adventures) but shy guys are unattractive even to shy girls and it sucks. It puts me off dating. I'm not this charismatic extrovert guy that women fall for and when I try to fake it I do a horrible job. lol. I'm kinda resigned to the fact that women don't find my real personality attractive so I don't date.

Oh and I hate playing games (in dating). Honestly though I could have acted a lot less like an idiot if I didn't build myself up into a nervous awkward frenzy. lol. But I can't do the stupid hot-cold stuff. If I want to get to know a girl, I'm going to go talk to her (at least when I actually bother to try to date). I'm not going to feign indifference. Usually women who are attracted to the hot-cold games have problems. Nor do I like acting like someone I'm not.

I get the sense that romance isn't all that it's cracked up to be and it's not like I think it's supposed to be like. And that it's not like in the movies, tv, books, anime, etc.  And then I start wondering why I'd want a girlfriend to begin with anyway (and in my previous relationship, I was quite miserable). You watch lets say The Notebook for eg. and Noah came on incredibly strong in that movie and acted like a big idiot and he won the girl. That's not how it works in real life I don't think.