Have you ever took a dump and realized there was no tissue?

What did you do?

Be a man, use your hand.

Run downstairs to get another roll.

I was hoping you were 13 or something, but alas you're 24 ..

The stuff people think of o_O

Happened at home a couple times. We usually have a few rolls sitting near the toilet in some sort of holder. There have been a couple of times there were none, at which point I puckered my anus, walked 5 feet to the storage closet, and grabbed a roll and then sat back down on the toilet. 

It's never happened in public though.

In the mall once I pulled my pants almost up and went to another stall

At home I just crack the door and yell for a roll

I have such a brilliant mechanism that wiping is only a customary function that serves no real purpose.

Use the old issue of Gameinformer, best use of it possible for the magazine.

shit happens :P

run to the closet with my pants around my ankles....(fell once)