Oh, I soooo wanted to say this was just rumor, but, alas, it seems to be true. I'd have rather he'd stolen Angelina Jolie from Brad and run away to the Cook Islands or something, darn it.
Cookie monster forced to cut down on cookies
From the Hip
Mark Hansel
Now they have gone too far.
Sesame Street announced recently that Cookie Monster's song is going to be changed to "Cookies are a sometimes food."
There are three things in life that I have always been sure of: the world is round, the sun rises in the East and "C" is for cookie. That has always been good enough for me.
The idea of making cookies a sometimes food for the Cookie Monster is ludicrous. His very name suggests cookies are essential to his existence.
If Sesame Street wants to create a Vegetable Monster who only eats vegetables that would be good enough for me too. They could make him very buff and healthy-looking to show the benefits of eating vegetables.
Just don't limit that poor blue guy's cookie intake. One has to wonder if there have been any studies done to determine just how this might affect our favorite macaroon muncher.
A creature that has lived on cookies for so long could actually be harmed more by a sudden and drastic decrease in sugar and flour.
It would also be interesting to know if this change is the result of a complete physical or just a random decision by some HMO doctor being persuaded by insurance company guidelines.
Has his glucose level gotten to high? Is his cholesterol out of control? More importantly is it the LDL, or "bad" cholesterol? Because if it's the HDL cholesterol, I think we are overreacting here.
I have been observing this guy for quite some time and it seems like he is in better shape now than he has ever been. In spite of years under the glaring television lights he doesn't seem like he has aged at all. He is the Dick Clark of monsters.
When one thinks of the stress this poor guy must be under, that is pretty remarkable.
He used to be the big man on "Tha Street." It was just him and Big Bird in the spotlight. Then the whole Bert and Ernie thing caught on and Elmopalooza took hold.
Pretty soon old Cookie just sort of drifted into the background, little more than a bit player.
Despite it all, he has remained remarkably upbeat, never complaining about his lack of screen time or his decreased role in the hierarchy of monsters.
He has never missed a performance or muffed any of his lines (an amazing feat when one considers his limited vocabulary). As long as he had his cookies he didn't care about anything else. Now they are cutting him back in that department too.
How much can one monster take?
Rumor has it that when they broke the news to him, he tried to take his own life. Fortunately, his gun just had a little flag that rolled out and spelled "bang" and tragedy was averted.
Next time we may not be so lucky. Even on Sesame Street there is likely someone in a back alley looking to unload a cheap gat.
When that day comes there will be plenty of finger pointing.
The moms of America will blame the network executives for going too far with political correctness. But if parents did their job instead of relying on television to teach their kids the importance of good eating habits, it would have never happened.
But it won't matter why.
What is your take or do you not care?
Flattery will get you nowhere - but don't stop trying.
Miss Moneypenny
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