2018, Game of the Year

[Jaicee]

ireadtabloids said:

Thank you for sharing your experience of BPD. I think that's impressive that you can share it an understandable way.
I have my own frustrating mix of mental illness and difficulties, but I honestly don't usually like talking about it.

I had a neighbour with experience of BPD and it was nice to visit her and her family when I was allowed to on her good days. I still miss those people. I shared a fondness for Super Nintendo and retro inspired side scrolling and isometric shooters with her partner. They were fun to play Enter the Gungeon with and I got them into Mighty Gunvolt Burst.

Thanks so much for you kind words! As someone who's been in close contact with somebody dealing with BPD before, you're no doubt aware of how important those can be.

And I hear you. We've all got our own ways of dealing with mental illness. When I was younger, I often found it easier to feign invulnerability, but have gradually gotten used to talking things out and found it cleansing to do so, at least in environments where it's safe to do so. (And it never feels truly safe anywhere somehow. It does always feel like one is taking a risk of facing unwelcome judgment everywhere. But safer is what I mean.) When I'm talking about humiliating experiences like rape or having to acknowledge the fact that I have selfish tendencies because my own problems feel so overwhelming and all-consuming that I just don't have much space left over to take on other people's needs too, it's difficult not to let pride get in the way and just avoid the subject and pretend to be well-balanced. And yet the truth is that I cannot honestly relay why I love certain games, for example, without being open about my mental illness. And that it's also an excuse to talk about what my brain registers as the most important subject in the world: myself and my needs.

I am sorry for always making things about me, by the way. I know that's something I do. I like to convince myself that I'm being compassionate by relating the struggles of others to my own, but the truth is that I always feel like I don't really deserve to exist and like I need constant reassurance to the contrary; a steady stream of attention, sympathy, and validation that's parasitic and not reasonable to expect of people. All I can do is try to stretch myself to be more fair and reasonable.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is thanks for supplying a listening ear. (Er, reading eyes. You get what I mean.) And it sounds like you have good taste in games.

Last edited by Jaicee - on 24 December 2023