I just skipped the men’s Rumble match. This is the first WWE event I’ve watched since last Royal Rumble. And since they’ve done things like the whole Brock thing I basically asked my wife “look up the results and only tell me them if it’s Brock Lesnar or Randy Orton winning” - it’s not that I dislike Lesnar, but I don’t have any interest in another Lesnar/Reigns match, like the one they set up earlier with Heyman betraying Lesnar. Orton, I know he has a lot of fans, I just haven’t found any match he’s been in for about 16 years to be interesting. “Oh! But he tells a story in the ring!” - sure, insofar that his matches have a beginning, middle, and end with culmination points… is that supposed to impress me? Just about every wrestler I’ve ever seen does that. Telling a great story is something Orton doesn’t do… Bret Hart vs Michaels Iron Man Match was a great story, Bret Hart vs Austin WM13 was a great story, Ciampa vs Gargano was a great story with callbacks, like the sit down, to their earlier DIY team era. Rock vs Austin at Wrestlemania 17 was a great story. Orton’s best story is that match he had with Foley, which probably doesn’t even enter Foley’s top 40. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, so I feel kind of bad about this, but FUCK Orton, I’m glad he was gone in two minutes even if I didn’t suffer to watch it :D
Royal Rumble often had that great match back in the day, the match that was a contender for best match of the year. In 1998 we got to see Shawn Michaels shatter his back just months after the Montreal screw job. In 1999 a fantastic I Quit match between Mankind and The Rock (the one where Rock used a fake recording) - substantially better than Foley vs Orton, but Foley topped that one at the 2000 RR event
with perhaps the greatest Street Fight in WWE history against Triple H as Cactus Jack, his retirement match - IMO, this one was better than his match against Undertaker HIAC, but not as insane (that HIAC for the first time was like watching Cloverfoeld for the first time). In 2001, Benoit vs Jericho in the ladder match where Jericho bent Benoit’s back over the top of the ladder. In 2003, Benoit vs Angle, I’ll always remember this one because it was the first time I ever recall seeing a full rotation German in WWE. And the Royal Rumble, to this day is usually very interesting. I like the women’s match better than the men’s, usually.
This year’s I LOVED the last few moments of the women’s match. I was disappointed to see Ivory go down so quickly, and to have her feel so scripted with her RTC gimmick on the mic - when she was by far the best in the women’s division in that capacity in her time. I understand why she didn’t do anything in the ring given she’s in her 60s, but I think they could have done her better. Wouldn’t it have been great if she commented on how WWE was finally cleaned up in the way RTC wanted? That would have been closer to the truth.
My favourite moments:
My three biggest highlights were Lita, Rousy, and one that made me legitimately angry for a half a second… yeah, I literally marked (I’ll get to that later).
First, Lita, blew the roof off! And she went out there and has as great of a showing as she’s ever had. She was moving faster and more fluid than she did most of her career in WWE (I’m guessing she worked injured a lot). She had passion, energy, she looked strong, I loved every moment of it! Oh yeah, Shotzi Blackheart, I’m not familiar with her as I stopped watching NXT before she became a thing, but damn! Her and Lita had sparks for the few moments they engaged.
Second, Rousey, holy fuck! I was happy to see her back, and winning. A lot of people hate her, but she never failed to entertain me. The mic’s not her strong point, I hope they keep her away from it except to say “fuck you!” to the crowd. I want her to be an angry heel that pisses off the crowd by destroying their favourites, twisting their arms. I’m going to be watching WWE again, whatever show she’s on. That said, I hated how they booked her toward the end of the match, laying on the ground like a wounded child - Rousey should have beat the fuck out of everyone and not done any overselling. It should have been about survival for everyone else at the end until Rousey’s inevitable victory. I want to see the Rousey that put Steph’s arm in a cast, the Rousey that beat the shit out of Correia. And I don’t want a smiley Rousey, I want her to do what Baszler did in NXT, a cruel heartless bitch.
Before I get to my last point, the women’s Royal Rumble showed just how much thinner the women’s division has become in the last year or two. So many of them were guest stars (I’m assuming), it felt like half. It kind of made it feel like a bit of a gimmick battle royale.
Now the third! First, I love the Riott Squad. Early in their career, there was this scene where they were just walking through the backstage area and casually trashing the place, years ago now, but it was brilliant. They had this genuine bond, and it transcends the labels of companies because they’re all friends in real life. That said, when I saw the Bellas put out Sarah Logan and Liv Morgan, I had a legitimate mark-out moment where I felt extreme rage! Then smiled as I realized the WWE bookers actually got me on that one :)
So I stayed in mark-mode (smark mode, I guess) a little longer for when Rousey beat the shit out of the Bellas :D
First thing Rousey should do is play into the Internet narrative that the crowd turning on her annoyed her (it likely didn’t), and say “I’m done with your shit! Yeah you fuckers cheered for me, but I’m not buying it! I’d make fun if you for being unemployed white trash if you weren’t all 15 and under or 75 and older. Or maybe you just look that way because of the inbreeding… well, maybe not, this isn’t AEW and she’s not MJF :D
Next, Lashley vs Lesnar was great until the end. I normally hate these big man vs big man matches, because they’re slow and boring with, but this one was really good! A lot better than Lesnar vs Roman will be. But, they must have had that idiot booker who had Rousey lay down selling for 3 minutes, because Lashley did the same fucking thing! Stop doing this shit! I wish wrestlers had more say in what they do, because you know Lesnar and Lashley would have had a better idea than that to fill the time gap. They fucked up the ending, plain and simple. Unfortunately, they clearly engineered a stupid Reigns vs Lesnar feud when a Lesnar vs Lashley Street Fight at Wrestlemania or I Quit match would have been much more fun.
I missed a bunch of Becky vs Piper Nevin (doudrop? WTF?). Did she come up with that one on her own? Someone should have said something. The match had some good spots, can’t comment much further.
Did anything else happen? I missed Beth Phoenix and Edge vs Miz and Maryse (which I might watch later), and Reigns vs whoever (that I’ll only watch if it’s a squash match with power bombs or something).
I describe myself as a little dose of toxic masculinity.
