| Jaicee said: Sorry, I'm at an extremely bad place tonight and need help remembering. |
It helps to talk sometimes, so feel free to PM me if you wish.
A while back I was extremely depressed. My teaching career ended, fairly badly. That was what I expected to do for the rest of my life, so it was distressing. Plus, I felt like because I failed then, I would fail at anything else I tried. I didn't exactly have suicidal thoughts, but what you'd call suicidal ideation. More like, I don't want to kill myself, but wouldn't it be nice if I could. Luckily I have family who would have been devestated if I did anything like that. If I was in a different situation, who knows.
Anyway, the point of the story, is that at the time, everything I was thinking seemed 100% reasonable. I knew for a fact that I would fail in every endeavor I ever attempted, be alone and miserable for the rest of my life, yada yada yada. I was convinced that this was a logical interpretation of the facts of my life. Looking back on it, it seems absolutely insane. And now, whenever I start to go down that path, I remember that what I felt at the time was 100% objectively true was not objectively true. So, what I'm thinking this time also may not be the truth. You don't have to think that you're wrong, just that you can't be certain you're right. That helps me.
Also, gonna plug antidepressants. Had to try a bunch of times to get it right, but once I got on the right one, it's like a whole different world. Obviously I'm not diagnosing you from the internet, but something to look into. You mentioned your financial situation, but I know some psychiatrists take things like Medicaid or ACA coverage. Typically not good ones but meh. Even if you don't do that route, it's just more evidence that many of the things you think are objective facts (or at least that I did) are actually just your brain working in a weird way.
