Tinder worth paying for?

[Machiavellian]

Verter said:

Machiavellian said:

I do not mind being friends with girls that rejected me.  That part happen all the time.  What I do not want is that when they fall out of a relationship, they think, "Let me go tell Mach", then they jump back into another relationship with someone else.  Instead, I rather they think "Let me give Mach a shot, lets see how that goes". I am always friendly, willing to hang out and hold no grudges.  What I did not like back in my High School days is being that friend guy who the girl told all the bad stuff her boyfriend did but was never considered the one to date.  I did not want to be that friend because if you really start to like someone you put yourself in a very awkward and painful situation.  After doing that for a couple times, I was like "Hell NO". I rather be friends with girls like that I have absolutely no interest in, then be mooning for a relationship but never be considered.

My point is more towards that when you leave that space within a woman mind that you are ok to be just a friend, then that is exactly where you will be and majority of the time stay.  Instead, I rather let a woman know that I am interested in a relationship.  This way there is no doubt that she comes back one day and say "Oh, I did not know you liked me like that".  From my experience, as long as my intention is known, there is never any confusion where I stand and thus there is no confusion with the woman I am seeking more than just being a buddy.

I see what you mean. I was once in a situation like that (a long time ago): I was kind of infatuated with a girl and we hung out a lot, but she just saw me as a friend. It's not a pleasant situation, that I can tell. Also, to make it worse, I was the only one who didn't know how I felt about her: self-deception to its fullest. Fortunately, that only happened once.

In the present, however, I think I have the opposite problem: besides the difficulty to find someone who's looking exactly for the same kind of relationship than me, I'm now "in love" with my solitude, so it's way harder for me to develop as much interest for other people as before; they'd have to really shake my mind so that I could click with them. In that regard, your piece of advice is pretty good: making things clear from the beginning saves a lot of time for everyone (and also makes my descriptions in Tinder and other apps way less appealing =P).

I know exactly how you feel with being in love with your solitude.  Actually you will find that there are a lot of woman who are at that same place as well.  Try changing up your Tinder profile to highlight that and see what happens.  There are a lot of women who do not want needy men and it seems you do not want a needy woman.  Instead you want someone who has their space and you have yours and you both have common interest to do things together.  Stating those things in your profile I believe will net you someone who is in the same place as you.