Tinder worth paying for?

[Machiavellian]

Verter said:

Machiavellian said:

I do not believe you noticed that I stated "Hot to you".  This means that if the woman is hot to you that is all that matters not the perceived hot value as it changes with each individual.  There were many woman who I thought was hot that my friends questioned.  I was fine with that because who needs the competition. I know my taste and sometimes particular things attract me more then the obvious physical features.

The story you mention is not unique because I had the exact same situation.  I thought about the encounter for months and what I came away with is that I need to be more open with what I want.  I remember calling the girl the next day and I could tell, I totally blew it.  Even then I was not honest with what I wanted.  It made me realize that making sure what I want is not something a woman need to guess about.  I have had way more success just getting out what I want early then coming in, trying to play the friend role, hoping for the girl to notice me in a romantic way.  Instead, if we are hanging out, its always going to be me letting the woman know what I want.  No games, no hidden feelings so that if she and I are together she knows exactly where I am at.  Do not look for me to be that buddy you share all the intimate things with or that guy you tell about how your BF is not treating you right.  I would be like, dump that dude and be with me if not save it for your girlfriends.

Bold: true. My bad, sorry. My old group of friends used to question that kind of stuff too.

(By the way, I forgot to mention that, even when I was in my hometown, this woman and I lived like an hour away from each other and I had never been at her place before - because it was way better for us to just meet in the capital city. I mention this now because it's also part of what made me finally reach the conclusion that meeting at her house wasn't just for the sake of it and it actually meant something. I also have to say that I didn't mind being friends with her, just that I felt this attraction too.)

In my case, being open with what I want now is somewhat difficult in these situations, not because I don't dare or something like that, but because my concept of relationships is (at least) slightly different than that of the majority: friendship, sex and romantic relationships are kind of mixed in my head. So if I'm friends with someone and I have a deep enough connection with that person (generally a woman), then sex is a completely natural step forward to me, so in my mind close friendships are more or less like what other people would see as couple's relationships, but without infatuation, jealousy, etc., and of course having each their own space and freedom. And the problem with this is that I don't even know what the word for something like that is - no name that I know of matches that kind of relationship exactly, so a woman who I might meet nowadays could have as many difficulties knowing what I want as I'd have reading what she wants. In that regard, I don't know if I could make something similar to what you described and be successful at reaching some kind of mutual understanding.

I do not mind being friends with girls that rejected me.  That part happen all the time.  What I do not want is that when they fall out of a relationship, they think, "Let me go tell Mach", then they jump back into another relationship with someone else.  Instead, I rather they think "Let me give Mach a shot, lets see how that goes". I am always friendly, willing to hang out and hold no grudges.  What I did not like back in my High School days is being that friend guy who the girl told all the bad stuff her boyfriend did but was never considered the one to date.  I did not want to be that friend because if you really start to like someone you put yourself in a very awkward and painful situation.  After doing that for a couple times, I was like "Hell NO". I rather be friends with girls like that I have absolutely no interest in, then be mooning for a relationship but never be considered.

My point is more towards that when you leave that space within a woman mind that you are ok to be just a friend, then that is exactly where you will be and majority of the time stay.  Instead, I rather let a woman know that I am interested in a relationship.  This way there is no doubt that she comes back one day and say "Oh, I did not know you liked me like that".  From my experience, as long as my intention is known, there is never any confusion where I stand and thus there is no confusion with the woman I am seeking more than just being a buddy.