| Jaicee said: So last time (which was way back in June) I promised to make more substantive posts to this thread. Alright, I've got something. This video caught my eye this morning, so I checked it out... ...and it just hit home with me. I've had very little success in dating myself. Of course I have several mental health issues that just make me difficult to live with really, but like Rowan says, being gay and on the asexuality spectrum also makes it qualitatively more difficult than it seems like it would otherwise be. There are just numerous issues. I cannot just assume that someone I might be interested in shares my orientation let alone an interest specifically in me, for example, because in all likelihood she doesn't. What's more, in my particularly small and heavily religious community, it just doesn't feel that safe to be out (no one here is) and there are no gay bars or gay clubs or anything like that in town (there is THE bar); you have to travel quite a ways. And as a kid in like middle school and high school, of course things like clubs and bars weren't options for one anyway. Also, bars and clubs are just very sexual environments and casual sex isn't really of interest to me. I want a relationship. In as far as I have been able to date other girls/women before, it has been through some combination of little miracles and no small amount of effort and also almost exclusively informal. Honestly, I've been on quite a few more fake dates with guys I've trusted (to advance the appearance of heterosexuality so people won't suspect me for being alone for so long) than I have been on real ones. The in thing now, especially with the coronavirus out there these days, is like online dating. Those sorts of options that weren't there when I was younger being there now does help a little! But like Rowan says, you wind up mostly just being directed to men and to like women who just want to use you as a fetish (like for a "bi" threesome more likely than a date), stuff like that. I don't know what I want out of anyone here in terms of a response, I'm just voicing a frustration. I feel like she does; just like afraid I'm going to wind up spending the rest of my life alone. Anyone else felt like that before? |
While I am not LGBT, I do worry a lot that I will spend the rest of my life alone, as I am completely hopeless at courtship. The kind of complex social interactions required can be extremely difficult to pull off when you're autistic.
At 31, I've only ever had one serious relationship, and that was 7 years ago.
So while my situation is quite different from yours, the fear you describe is one I'm very familiar with. I wish you all the best in finding your match.
