Why I'm Keeping my Switch, and Digital Refunds!

[Pyro as Bill]

Hynad said:

Yet, only one side apologized. 

I'm sorry for suggesting marriage. I didn't account for the possibility of losing the Switch in a divorce settlement.

sales2099 said:

You lost me at assuming Nintendo games had online.

People play Nintendo for whimsical unique experiences you can’t find on the competition. What is also common sense is that their online network is on par with Xbox Live in 2003. Fans simply accept this so long as the games are great. 

I admire their faith in Nintendo (that's why I wanted them to breed) but trusting Nintendo's online to help facilitate a long distance relationship might be the biggest mistake OP made.