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Knock, knock.  The sound that would change his life forever.

He ignored the sound like every other signal in his

Visual Novels. It is why he is so bad at

calculus. He looked at the door and heard another knock

then wondered to himself why he was completely naked and

decided he should at least put some pants on before.

He opened his wardrobe only to be greeted with

a smell that skunks would avoid and people will generally

bottle up and sell for exorbitant fees in a konbini.

Clothed in his finest dungarees now he opened the door.

A large, black cloaked, teary-eyed old man reached out

and punched John in the face. The cloaked dude bellowed: "I

do believe John's face just shattered my hand". Regretfully he

realized he had said this aloud, which made him laugh

uncontrollably. It eventually reached a point that he swallowed his

cigarette and began to choke on it. "Have you tried

just saying hello with words instead of fists?" John barked.

"Listen to me you son of a bitch.  Shouldn't you

should be studying "Magical Matter Calculus", MMC test is tomorrow!"

John commenced to mooing for 14 hours straight again, but

then the skies opened up and an alien ship appeared!

The aliens weren't particularly interested in John but still dumped

a batch of nanobots that entered his body and began

[to] shutdown. No wrong could be found in the perfect specimen.

This specimen consumed knowledge no one have ever had and

could guide them to the Irish artefact, they

had been seeking since they first drank Guinness and discovered

that the 10th realm did, in fact, exist in perpetuity.

Moreover, as a Scientologist, John would prove easy to manipulate.

He gave up, so he decided to go back to

quoting sections of the Rigveda at random people passing by

his window, feeling the nanobots activate his spirititual cortex and

cultivated his current body and soul and grabbed a big

ankh, with which he could smite the swarming mosquitoes without

disrupting a nearby cat, that was licking it's own ***hole.

"Hey you," a woman yelled at John mid-mosquito smack.

The shout came from a short, beautiful Asian women wearing

a futuristic cyberpunk space suit with lasers and sonar vision

beside sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads.

The cyberpunk girl greets him tenderly, she names herself Satsuki.

THEN! THERE! The wicked and awesome space empress Janice flew

and crash landed into a pile of dirty laundry. "Canadians,

why do your panties smell like Maple Syrup?" She asked.

"Nevermind. I've come for the Irish artefact!!" she warns, summoning

A gigantic, majestic, smelling, hairy and imposing shirtless Chuck Norris

who descended onto Earth in an angel-like fashion. "Mr. Norris,"

Satsuki, screamed.  "You are no match for Awesome John. Prepare

to have your tiny Earth mind blown by this revelation:

Chuck Norris is only a crappy green belt, John is

a seasoned NES Veteran who trained in the fields of

fermented memories. In those fields, lived a lonely dead fish