Knock, knock. The sound that would change his life forever.
He ignored the sound like every other signal in his
Visual Novels. It is why he is so bad at
calculus. He looked at the door and heard another knock
then wondered to himself why he was completely naked and
decided he should at least put some pants on before.
He opened his wardrobe only to be greeted with
a smell that skunks would avoid and people will generally
bottle up and sell for exorbitant fees in a konbini.
Clothed in his finest dungarees now he opened the door.
A large, black cloaked, teary-eyed old man reached out
and punched John in the face. The cloaked dude bellowed: "I
do believe John's face just shattered my hand". Regretfully he
realized he had said this aloud, which made him laugh
uncontrollably. It eventually reached a point that he swallowed his
cigarette and began to choke on it. "Have you tried
just saying hello with words instead of fists?" John barked.
"Listen to me you son of a bitch. Shouldn't you
should be studying "Magical Matter Calculus", MMC test is tomorrow!"
John commenced to mooing for 14 hours straight again, but
then the skies opened up and an alien ship appeared!
The aliens weren't particularly interested in John but still dumped
a batch of nanobots that entered his body and began
[to] shutdown. No wrong could be found in the perfect specimen.
This specimen consumed knowledge no one have ever had and
could guide them to the Irish artefact, they
had been seeking since they first drank Guinness and discovered
that the 10th realm did, in fact, exist in perpetuity.
Moreover, as a Scientologist, John would prove easy to manipulate.
He gave up, so he decided to go back to
quoting sections of the Rigveda at random people passing by
his window, feeling the nanobots activate his spirititual cortex and
cultivated his current body and soul and grabbed a big
ankh, with which he could smite the swarming mosquitoes without
disrupting a nearby cat, that was licking it's own ***hole.
"Hey you," a woman yelled at John mid-mosquito smack.
The shout came from a short, beautiful Asian women wearing
a futuristic cyberpunk space suit with lasers and sonar vision
beside sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads.
The cyberpunk girl greets him tenderly, she names herself Satsuki.
THEN! THERE! The wicked and awesome space empress Janice flew
and crash landed into a pile of dirty laundry. "Canadians,
why do your panties smell like Maple Syrup?" She asked.
"Nevermind. I've come for the Irish artefact!!" she warns, summoning
A gigantic, majestic, smelling, hairy and imposing shirtless Chuck Norris
who descended onto Earth in an angel-like fashion. "Mr. Norris,"
Satsuki, screamed. "You are no match for Awesome John. Prepare
to have your tiny Earth mind blown by this revelation:
Chuck Norris is only a crappy green belt, John is
a seasoned NES Veteran who trained in the fields of
fermented memories. In those fields, lived a lonely dead fish
